Monday, August 31, 2009


Penelope's been fine all evening, though her eyes are all puffy from crying so much earlier in the day. I'm still kind of worried she has an ear infection, but Derrick doesn't seem to think so. I can never tell if my worries are grounded in anything or not.

Miss Screamy

Poor little Penelope! She's had the hardest day! I'm about ready to have a nervous breakdown. When she woke up, she seemed so happy. I kissed her toes in the swing for a few minutes, but then when I changed her, she started crying again. I made her some fresh milk, and all was well until I heard a very disgusting sound. Turns out, she was making the stinkiest, nastiest diaper ever!

After I finished changing her, she seemed to feel very happy, but I absolutely needed to wash my hands, so I set her in the jungle while I did that. I usually put her in the swing, but she'd been so upset in there the first time. It took me less than thirty seconds to wash my hands. I was in the kitchen, so I could hear her and partially see her. Almost immediately, she started crying hysterically. She'd rolled over and was crushing one arm underneath herself. I helped her, but she was still so upset. When I finally picked her up it took FOREVER to calm her down. She spat up before she calmed down.

After that, we read Mr. Brown Can Moo and My Little Golden Book About God. She was happy, but after the stories were over, she rolled over a little again, then started SCREAMING. I changed her again and got some new milk. While it was heating, I cut more of her nails because she keeps gouging herself. Well, I got the index finger on one hand a little too short. I didn't cut the skin, but I think I made the nail uncomfortably short by accident. She screamed and screamed until the food was ready, then fell asleep drinking her bottle and clutching her finger. (I feel terrible about the finger).

Now she's alseep, but I noticed a weird mark on her forehead that looks like a bite. I'm going crazy trying to figure out when something possibly bit her. She was only alone for like thirty seconds in the jungle while I washed my hands, and I saw no evidence of any biting creatures. This has been such a difficult day. I guess it's time for me to pump, but I sure don't want to.


That was traumatic! Penelope started screaming just before 11:20 and screamed until noon with no break, I mean screamed! I ended up only pumping for twelve minutes and just picking her up because she seemed so upset and genuinely distressed that I didn't want to let her cry. But she didn't want her food. She was mad when I changed her. She just kept screaming more and more and more. It was very distressing!

For about ten seconds, a teething ring appeased her. Then she started to scream again--really scream. Finally she made this horrible noise! I thought she was going to die. Then she threw up all over us. But I don't think it was a case of a stomah virus or food poisoning. I think she just got so worked up that she screamed until she threw up.

When I laid her on the changing table and took off all our clothes, she continued to cry. Then I called Derrick. She got a little calmer, temporarily--she gave me about a five minute lull where she only cried softly. Then I noticed that in some of the stuff she'd thrown up, there was mucuous laced with a little blood. But just a little. At first I worried that she'd joked on something--but what? I mean, yes, she had her blankey and Rella in the swing with her, but I was looking at her face the whole time. She was vocalizing and making eye contact.

I think now that she probably cut the inside of her mouth with her talons (either on her hands or toes). She tore the stuffing out of one of my nipples the other day with her insanely sharp toe nail. I just managed to cut the fingernails on one hand, but I still haven't gotten the other. She makes it really difficult, nearly impossible.

I did worry briefly that one of her ear drums had ruptured and I'd gotten water into it during her bath, but I don't think so--I was really, really careful, and I dried her ears really thoroughly afterward. (Plus, I mean, I only basically made up the idea that her ear drum previously ruptured, anyway.) Besides, she was fine for almost half an hour after her bath before putting on this little show.

Anyway, in case there was some food poisoning element, I gave her a brand new bottle full of just formula. After taking just two ounces of it, she fell asleep on my lap, and I let her sleep for a few minutes in my arms to make sure she was okay. Then I moved her to the swing.

I think she just hurt herself then got too worked up when I didn't come right away. But I mean, I only ended up making her wait two and a half minutes. That's not that long to wait, is it? I haven't seen her so hysterical for a long, long time. It really scared me to death.


Happypotomus is over there in her swing with Rella laughing at me while I'm pumping. We've had a full morning already. She slept for half an hour while I researched baptism, and then we went upstairs to take a bath. First, however, we had to put on a temporary onesie after peeing all over ourselves during a diaper change!

Uh oh! The mood has turned dark over there in the swing! Perhaps we've pooped!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Laughing at Grayson

Good Children

Penelope was so good in mass today--and so was Grayson. She stayed--quietly--through the entire thing. We didn't have to leave once!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Sitting Up

Penelope enjoyed this view of the living room for several minutes this afternoon. If she looks horrified, it's because our living room's very scary!

Diaper Genie

Daddy Dearest

My husband is so funny.

Earlier, he barked at Grayson, "Don't eat with your mouth full!"

I was like, "Now say, 'Yes, Daddy Dearest!'"

But what was really funny was when I was rambling on about ghosts. "I want to write a book about ghosts," I said.

"You've said that ten times," said Grayson, underestimating while attempting hyperbole.

"I think what fascinates me about being a ghost is that nobody can get you," I mused. "But that's probably wrong. They probably can, can't they?"

"Yeah," Derrick said, like I was an idiot, "because, have you seen Ghostbusters?"

I can't make that seem as funny in print as it was when he delievered the line. I laughed so hard, but it's no use. It was only funny because of the way he said it.

Like five minutes after that, Penelope spat up all over Daddy's shirt. Grayson exclaimed, "Oh yeah, today some kid threw up in my class."

"Did he go home?" I asked.

"Yeah," Grayson said, but then remembered, "No, he came right back."

"What was wrong with him?" I asked.

"He probably had whale disease," said Derrick, as he went upstairs to change his shirt. He was babbling something about blubbering and growing a blow hole and some nonsense.

"Nobody knows," said Grayson vaguely. "He went to nurse Diane, but he came back Friday."

"I thought you said he was sick today," I said.

"No, yesterday," said Grayson, now seeming uncertain. "A different day than today."

"Thursday?" I guessed.

"No..." Grayson replied uncertainly, as if going into a trance of forgetfulness.

Daddy returned saying, "He probably had fin and flipper. You can only get that from A&W/Long John Silver's franchises." He made me guess why.

Earlier, Grayson was saying something about hoping Penelope didn't pay $50 for her giraffe because what if he was a boy?

I didn't follow him, but said, "Giraffe is a boy." He's pink and has a high, squeaky voice, but he's a boy. I stand by that early decision. Anyway, I'm not sure what Grayson was talking about. He said something about not wasting all your fifty dollarses on one boy in case the other boys got jealous, or what if you already had a boyfriend?

I really am not sure what he meant originally, and I think he was changing his mind about what he was saying during his explanation.

Finally I guessed, "Like you mean if I paid $50 for this giraffe, Daddy might be jealous if the giraffe turned out to be a boy?"

"Yeah," said Grayson. "Exactly."

"Well, he'd be right to be jealous," I said, winking at Giraffe, "because I sure do love a good fifty dollar giraffe."

"Uh oh," Grayson said to Derrick. "You're going to have to keep your eye on her."

We were watching the Patriots/Redskins game at the time. I took Penelope down on her blanket to read about Mr. Brown, and while we were down there, the camera zoomed in on a sexy cheerleader. When Derrick agreed with Grayson's assessment of her attractiveness, Grayson said, "Watch out, Sarah. Somebody has a girlfriend, who's a boy."

"Somebody has a girlfriend who's a boy?" I repeated. "I'd like to meet this couple. They sound exciting."

"Daddy is the boy," Grayson said with wide eyes, like I'd better watch out.

Derrick wisely said, "Sarah is my girlfriend."

"She is?" asked Grayson.

"She is," said Daddy.

"So I'm safe," I said.

Grayson thought about that a minute. Then he suggested wisely, "Ah, but what if that cheerleader is also named Sarah?"

They're playing catch right now.

Grayson said just now that he had footballitis because he loved football so much. Then he asked, "Have you heard of funcolitis? It's when you have so much fun..."

"That your colon explodes?" Derrick guessed.

"Yes, and you die," said Grayson.

He slipped just now while giggling and I said, "I think you just died of funcolitis."

"Funkalitis?" said Derrick. "I'm dying of funkalitis because I am so funky."

Grayson is now describing how funcolitis makes your ribs break from so much laughing. Earlier he was telling me that if Penelope got lots of thick spit, I'd better make sure she spat it out and didn't swallow it back. "Because that happens to me," he said seriously, "and I believe if you swallow it back you get something...probably swine flu, I think."

He's probably trying to get on my good side knowing what a delusional hypochondriac I am!

Grayson just now spelled out S-M-A-R-T-A-S-S because "I don't Penny to repeat that."

They're having lots of fun in their manic game of catch.

We just took some cute pictures of Penelope with a clean diaper on her head. She looks like she's joining some Grouch religious order.

The Recliner of Requirement

Grayson just asked, "Can we play ball? Do we have a ball here?"

Derrick said, "I don't think so. We can have a ball, but we don't have a ball."

"Oh here's one!" said Grayson instantly, pulling out a tiny football from underneath the recliner. "I found one!"

"What?!" squawked Derrick. "Where did that come from?"

"Beats me," I said. I've never seen it before.

"Daddy, I know you like football," Grayson said. "That's why I tried to find a football!"

Probably fine

I guess Penelope is okay. I think she's just pulling on her ears to explore them, which is pretty normal. Also, it looks like the one has some dry skin around the outside, so it may itch. I think a lot of my weird paranoia comes from the fact that I'm exhausted. Also, I feel like I have lots of things I need to be doing, mainly socially, that are not being accomplished by me. I'm just very tired, probably because of missing a night of sleep. I got some cute pictures of Penelope sitting up on the loveseat earlier which I'll upload soon.

I think that when she wants to read Mr. Brown Can Moo she says, "Babababa Mooo." Yesterday, I didn't know what she was talking about, but today I'm pretty sure I got it right judging by her reaction!

Smiling for Daddy

Pip is doing pretty well today but is acting a little weird. I'm not sure if it's her ear or my paranoia.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Ear Infection

Part of me is worried that Penelope has an ear infection, and part of me is worried that I'm being crazy again.

Tugging on her ears (but she did scratch one a few days ago, so it has a little healing sore place that is obviously itchy--but then why did she scratch it in the first place?)

Screaming before bed at night (but she doesn't like to go to sleep)

Not always wanting her milk (like inexplicably turning away) (but that may be because she's not always hungry. She likes to eat so much, and she likes to eat so frequently, that I'm never sure when to offer her food now).

But here's my thought: What if she had an ear infection and it is already almost healed on its own? A healing infection makes ears itchy, I read, and leads to more tugging. And then about a week and a half ago, she would not nap at all, she was always trying to turn sideways in her swing, and she had those two apparent night terrors. What if she had an ear infection then, and I just didn't know?

The other thing I read is that ear infections often come after a cold--but I'm not sure if she really had a cold or not. One day, she seemed vaguely snuffy to me, but her nose was never runny. We kind of thought it might have been because she was eating more formula, pooping more, straining more, and spitting up more. (And that gets milk in her nose.)

I don't know. Derrick says he'll call the nurse line tomorrow. I can't stop worrying about this.

Lovin' That Night Life!

Ho Ho Ho

So Pretty

Busy Beaver

Pippy is asleep again! I'm surprised because someone was banging outside. She must be growing this week. Earlier, after Grandma came to bring me some home made chicken soup (which was delicious), Penelope woke up and we took a little bath. I dressed her in one of her new 6-12 month onesies. (It's Gap, and they don't make 6-9 months.) She looks really adorable. It's a little big, but not too much. She's eaten as much as a mastadon today. She'd better get more into rice cereal fast because otherwise we're going to go broke buying formula. Once she eats rice cereal for one feeding a day, we can start her on vegetables.

I'm also posting some pictures I took on my phone. In one, I again asked her to smile for Daddy, and she complied. The other was after her bath when she was sort of sleepy.

The Cutie Report

Pippy is sleeping like a little angel in the swing. Last night while Daddy was feeding her, she surprised him by grabbing the nipple and pulling it off completely, flooding both of them with a tidal wave of milk. My clever girl!

She really has the sweetest personality and has been babbling so much recently, sometimes much more intelligibly than others. I hear Grandma's coming over in a few minutes with chicken soup, which probably means my little darling won't nap very long, but we have to take a bath today, anyway. That usually helps her get back to sleep. We're pretty sure she's going through a growth spurt. She's eating tons, getting huge, and always acting sleepy.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Smile for Daddy

Penelope is giving herself tummy time on Daddy's arm right now. I told her, "If you push up, you can crawl." She pushed up. Earlier she told me, "I love you." And when I asked her if she wanted some milk, she said, loudly, "YEAH!!!!" She's astoundingly verbal lately. She's making lots of noise on Daddy right now.

Earlier, I took her picture with my phone, then turned it around and showed it to her. "See?" I said. "That's Nelope and Cinderella. Now can you smile, so we can take a picture for Daddy?"

She then posed for this picture.

Size 3

These new size 3 diapers are awesome! They look huge, but then you put them on, and they fit perfectly. She leaked again this morning in her size 2, so I went ahead and switched. It's fantastic. She just pooped, too, and changing her was so much easier and less of a messy ordeal! She's getting to be such a big girl. She's over there having words with the elephant right now. I may have to intervene in a minute.

In other good news, I don't seem to have frostbite!


Penelope was insanely verbal last night. She did not want to go to sleep. Instead she wanted to sit and chat. I think she's noticed how it pleases us when she talks and was hoping to charm us into letting her stay up. She calls Cinderella "Reya" or "Rella" or "Rera." Apparently the first part of her name goes without saying.

Meanwhile, I got the bright idea to sleep with a similac coldpack in a plastic bag last night. I woke up two hours later in agony. Then I started worrying I'd given myself frostbite. I'm still not sure if the pain was from the burn or the cold or what. My fingers is fine now. It still works, and it didn't fall off, but I massaged it a long time just in case. The steam did burn me pretty badly on the inside slope of the finger, but it's a little better today.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Wow. So one of the microsteam bags has a tear on the side opposite the vent hole, creating a second vent hole just at the place where you'd lift the bag to take it out. I burnt myself so badly with steam just now. I put ice on it right away, and I thought that after I went through three ice cubes everything would be fine, but once the numbness wears off, I have to keep it cool or it stings unbearbly. Of course, this had to happen right at bedtime.


I was in the kitchen, and Penelope was sitting on Daddy's lap and leaning forward, calling to me, "I uuuuuh uuuu!" (Like I Love You without the consonants. She says it with the same cadence I use when saying it to her. She's such a sweetie.)

Mommy Dearest

We've had a difficult afternoon. Actually, it started out just fine, though Pip was acting kind of spacy after her nap. Still, we had fun and played "Where's Penelope?" and read stories and smelled spices and sat up big girl.

Then she peed through her onesie three times. It was not her fault. The diaper kept leaking. I think she may be ready to graduate into a three. I have trouble believing she weighs 18 pounds, but maybe she does. After all, her 3-6 months onesies are mostly too small. I found that out the hard way.

The last time her diaper leaked and I changed her, I tried to put her in her Made you S-s-smile snake onesie, but it was waaaay too short. Unfortunately, I realized this only after I got it on her. One of her arms got stuck going in because she insisted on grabbing it and trying to eat the sleeve and wouldn't let go. So when I turned right around to take it off again, she just went ballistic. She was so angry, and so distressed, and crying and screaming, and yelling little nonsense words--so vocal.

Finally we got her into something that fit and I made her some milk. She started yelling at me when I told her it was almost ready. She wanted it to be ready NOW. To deflect her rage from me and validate her feelings, I told her, "That's right! That stupid milk! Why isn't it ready? Penelope's hungry, you mean milk!"

She liked this. She leaned forward in my arms to yell threatening nonsense noises at the milk in the bottle warmer. She really chewed it out. This seemed to make her feel a bit better. But she was far from happy. After it was warm, I went and moved her yellow blanket out of her swing so it would be free for baby transfer once she was asleep. Of course, this freaked her out.

"We're going to have her milk," I said. "She's not going to go in the swing."

All Penelope got out of this exchange, apparently, was "Go in the swing." She started rearing back and kicking me in the chest and making a rhinocerous noise. When we got in the chair, she stopped kicking but was still mad and insisted on balling up her bib as I tried to put it on and trying to gag herself with it as a symbol of her rage. Finally I got the nipple in her mouth and she reluctantly settled down.

Then I made the mistake of saying, "I'm sorry you leaked so much, Penelope. We'll get you some new diapers..." Penelope cut me off with the loudest scream--around the nipple--you have ever heard! Quickly I insisted, "No, not change her diaper. We're not going to change her diaper. I just mean we'll get some bigger diapers, different ones. That way we won't have to change her onesie so much."

Penelope's eyes were mostly squinted close--in hunger, fatigue, constipation, and rage. But when I said "change her onesie" she opened them wide until they were huge and gave me an intense, emotionally charged stare of panic, disbelief, rage, and horror. "WHAT???" she seemed to say. "ARE YOU INSANE???? NOOOOOO??" (I translated that to English from baby and cleaned up the profanity.)

I had to reassure her that we weren't going to do anything but "drink her milk." Hearing that, she gave me this look like, "That's better," and settled down into my lap and went to sleep while drinking her milk.

It amazes me how many words and phrases she understands--even though that led to misunderstandings!

The Wily Contortionist

Penelope was having a very animated chat with Cinderella this morning from this acrobatic position. You can't quite tell from the picture, but she's pretty twisted up. And yes, that's a wet spot on the back of her onesie. I had to pick her up and change her, but picking her up wasn't easy since her legs were going every which way.

Morning with the Cutie

Last night, Penelope's new books came. Because she likes Biscuit's Day at the Farm so much, I got her two other Biscuit books, one where he meets two kittens, and one where he meets a duckling. She really liked the duckie one, but then she decided she'd rather watch the Jets play the Ravens. I was like, "Uhmm...hey!" She loves the TV. Yesterday afternoon, we were playing on her blanket, and every few minutes, she'd look up and make this pathetic little whimper, but then she'd get happy again right away, so I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her.
Then I finally realized I'd paused Cinderella right at the part where the king is banging the table because he's mad the prince is so picky. He has this horrible, grumpy, angry look on his face.
Apparently, that's what was making Penelope whimper.
We also got a board book of favorite poems for children illustrated by Eloise Wilkin. Penelope likes that pretty well, a few poems at a time. We also got a little board book of farm animals, and she really enjoyed that one. I think piggies are her favorite--well, no, maybe cows. She really likes cows.
Apparently, Penelope is very sleepy. I just looked over, and her blanket was pulled up over her face. I went over to pull it down, and she made this wrinkly nosed enraged face at me and yanked it right back up again and nuzzled her face all over it. But now she's turned her head sideways and fallen asleep again. I think my typing bothers her.
I'm hoping to take more pain killer soon. I feel yucky today, but I guess I'm fertile, so that's good news.

The Thank You Notes

I wish I could remember the milk song I just made up about an hour ago.

I think it's:

Time to have a little milk
for my little itty bitty.
Time to have a little milk
from the moo-moo cow.
Mix it with some Mommy milk
because it's good for Pippy.
Now we'll have a little milk
from the moo-moo cow.

I think that's it, but something seems wrong. By some miracle, Pip has been asleep almost two hours, so I've managed to eat, pump, wash bottles, and do a load of Pippy laundry. All of her thank you notes are written and sitting in envelopes with names and not addresses on them! So I'm sure all my friends now think I'm a thankless ingrate. I've got to find the addresses and get my hands on some stamps!

Incidentally, we all slept very well last night. We went to bed early--around 11:20. That seemed to work out fine, pumping wise, so we may try that every night. I woke up a few times--to check on Pip, I always do. The first time she'd been making noise, and it was only 12:30! But then the next time, it was almost five, and I was like, Thank goodness!

The night seems like such a long time when you're praying to God you'll sleep through it.


Pip is being a sweetie this morning, as usual, squealing up at her stars. She's getting so vocal, too. She says "Hi" all the time now. She came down pretty early this morning for a surprise while I was still pumping. Apparently, she woke up and was cuddling with Daddy. Then she had a big toot and a pee explosion out the side of her diaper, leaving them both in need of some emergency grooming. She's so cute!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Clouds Over Hutto

Poor Daddy

What didn't occur to me until late this afternoon was that Derrick didn't sleep last night either. He came to bed about 2:30, after one of his late night formula runs. Of course, he and Pip slept in the chair from 11:00-12:30. Also, he might have slept from 3:15 to 4:00 while I was downstairs. But at about 5:00 he left for work. And up until then, he'd been trying to help me sleep--except when I was downstairs. Poor us!

The Happy Girl

Daddy is "getting" Penelope's tummy over on the changing table, and she's just squealing with laughter. She loves the changing table--once we're done changing her and can play.

In less happy news, I thought I was not doing to have any more periods while pumping since I skipped July, but apparently that was just wishful thinking!

All Dressed Up for Church

Smiley Pants

Penelope has been grinning at me like a little maniac all day long, but this is the biggest smile I've managed to get on camera. She keeps saying, "I uuuuuv ooooo," but like all as one word. She says it with the cadence that I tell her i love you, only she leaves out the consonants. Last night I worried that today would be Hell because of all the sleep deprivation, but not so--

Penelope is just such a little love bug and such a joy to spend the day with!

My Excited Little Love

I took a nap from 4:30 to 7:00, then showered and came down at 7:20. Penelope was so delighted to see me. She had obviously missed me. She had a huge smile for me. I immediately picked her up and played with her in the kitchen as I fixed her the milk that Daddy is now feeding her.

No Matter How Your Heart is Grieving, if You Keep on Believing...

The dream that you wish will come true!!!!!

Penelope and I are watching Cinderella on the floor. Mommy is eating lunch, and Pippy is playing in the jungle. I've sung this song to her so many times, but sadly, I think the birds and mice sing it better than I do. They're definitely better at dressmaking, sadly not among my few skills.

But guess what? Last night I cleaned the kitchen again after I pumped at 3:40. Yay! Kitchen is so clean. It's almost as clean as other people's messy kitchens now. Anyway, now I feel much better, fairly normal. Just tired. Last night I was sobbing and sobbing, worried that they'd lock me up and take away Penelope. That is so crazy! If I really went into mania, I wouldn't have to be committed! I'd just call the doctor and start taking something. I'm so crazy--worrying about my crazyness.

You know, I really like the dress the mice and birds make much better than the fancy one later. Penelope, meanwhile, is strangling her giraffe, oblivious to Cinderella's plight--which is good because I don't like her to sit and stare at the tv which is what she usually does.

Now she's talking to the butterflies.

Earlier, Grandma and Grandpa came over with rolls and cake and dresses and Moo, Baa, Lalala. Grandma picked up Penelope who promptly screamed in her face for ten minutes. Then when I took her back and laid her down to change her, she went, "Maaamamaamamamaaamaaaaaaaammaaamaaaa!" or something like that! My little screamy!

She's very enthusiastic today. She kicked vigorously through all of Old Macdonald and was kicking along to Biscuit, too, until Grandma and Grandpa showed up.

Oh, she's watching the "Bibbity-Bobbity Boo" part and "singing" along, as she does!

My sweet chatter box

Pip is being such a sweetie today. We took our bath. Now I'm so tired. She keeps dozing and then waking up. She's so vocal when she wakes up that it's impossible not to talk to her. Besides, she was a good girl and slept all night. Just Mommy is a loony tune!

Good morning, Mommy!

Penelope is very chipper this morning. She keeps loudly and clearly saying, "Hi!" to everyone--i.e., Cinderella and me. She should be chipper. She slept from 10:30-7:40. Mommy on the other hand, slept from 6:30 to 7:40. I was having a dream that I was making Penelope's milk (in one of our Mountain Dew glasses), and she turned to me and started yelling, "Hi!" and "Ha!" over and over again at the top of her lungs. That, of course, was what she was doing in real life. She's in an awfully good (and vocal mood). Today we only have to accomplish two things:

1) Take a bath
2) Not die

#2 is going to be the challenge. However, it is good that I finally did fall asleep! So I'm not manic--just exhausted. Caffeine obviously has a very powerful effect on me, probably because I've been abstaining from it. So as you can imagine, I have a headache like I was attacked by an elephant, but otherwise, all is well!

Oh yeah, and Penelope's been saying what sounds like, "Guuuh mooow." So I think she means "Good morning" because we tell her that a lot in the morning.


I just wish I would feel sleepy. Penelope has such a pretty little smile. I just don't feel sleepy at all, and it's freaking me out.

Sad Little Murmurings

I can't sleep. I made the mistake earlier of having a Dr. Pepper. I didn't think one would hurt. I should know better by now. But obviously I don't. I decided to pump now, and then I can sleep until she wakes up. I feel like I've ruined my life and everyone hates me. Apparently, my body is not used to producing milk this time of night because it won't give me any. I'd better fall asleep after this. I don't know what else to do.

I'm just so miserable there's no way to articulate it, and there's really no point.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Macaroni is so GOOOOOOOD

I just made mac and cheese using my mom's recipe. Oh, I never knew food could be this good!!!!!!! Unfortunately, Daddy was out getting us drinks, and the stupid oven timer went off just as Penelope was falling asleep with her milk. It never goes off unless you do something, so I had to get up and turn it down (since I didn't want to brown it with her in my arms). She was so confused and sad about why we were going into the kitchen. Forunately, it just took a minute to turn it down, and then she went to sleep. I may die of macaroni joy!

I was worried I messed up the bechamel--especially because our milk doesn't have lactose, but it turned out so yummy. Penelope is such a sweetie. She doesn't exactly say Mommy and Daddy, but she makes a different sound when calling each of us.


Penelope is drinking her milk on Daddy's lap, and she's making those horrible grunt noises. Now Daddy's dying of stench, so we're expecting to be changing a diaper here in a minute. Meanwhile, I went crazy, but I feel better now. I guess it wasn't all bad because while I was depressed, I cleaned the kitchen. Of course, we can only enjoy it for a few hours because I'm making macaroni tonight using Mom's delicious recipe.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Baby's First Mass

We finally took Penelope to mass at 5:00 tonight. I can't believe it's taken us this long. She did so well! We sat in the very back pew in the center, and she was completely quiet until just before the Lord's Prayer. Even in utero, she kicked at the organ, and she loves music, so I thought she'd enjoy the prelude and the various sung responses and hymns--and she did. She was mesmerized--gazing around the sanctuary, listening to the music and spoken responses, watching the little boy sitting near us, shaking his stuffed penguin. She also enjoyed chewing on her dress.

Then just as we were kneeling, she started to squink the tiniest bit, so Daddy took her out, and swiftly I joined with the diaper bag. We said the Our Father out in the cry area (where she again had fallen silent), and then I took her into the ladies room to change her. When we got back, we went back into the sanctuary, and she made it through communion, where she got the priest's blessing.

When we got back to the pew, she said, "Huh!" We could see her bottom lip jutting out, so we went back to the cry area and fed her out there for the last five minutes of mass. She drank her milk quietly and seemed very mellow.

Then after mass was over, Grandma and Grandpa came over to say hi. Grandma picked up Penelope, Grandpa told her hello, and she burst into tears, complete with loud, loud screaming. They were trying to round up a second baby due for a baptism, and they were sure it was us with the ruckus we were making. Not so.

Now we're watching the Steeler's game, and Penelope is snuggled up on Daddy's lap. Just before church this afternoon, she looked up at me from where she was sitting in the swing and out of nowhere, said clearly, crisply, loudly, distinctly, "Hi!"

I was so surprised because there'd been no build up or encouragement.

She's such a cutie!

Friday, August 21, 2009


Penelope is really into Old Macdonald again. Earlier this evening, when we got done reading it, she turned to me and sang, "I-I-I-AAA-OOOOOH!" I was astonished! I sang back to her, "E-I-E-I-O!" She sang again, "I-I-I-AAAAA-OOOOOH!" I was so pleased with her that I sang her the story again, even though my voice was really tired. She especially likes the cow!

We were reading to kill time while Daddy ran to the store before the Cowboys game. Earlier, I was changing some pee pants, when I noticed that we only had one wipe left. I got the wipes from upstairs and found there were only about five left in that box.

Derrick likes to make a midnight run to Walmart for wipes/diapers/formula, so he can listen to this crazy UFO conspiracy theory radio show. He was like, "I don't need to go sooner, do I?" "No," I said. "We should be fine until later tonight as long as she doesn't poop." I was pretty confident that she wouldn't because she'd already pooped today.

Twenty minutes later, guess who pooped? (Obviously, that's a rhetorical question. I wouldn't be blogging about it if it were anyone other than Penelope.) Then while I was changing her diaper, she peed all over herself again, and immediately grabbed herself with her left hand. We did this crazy thing where we washed her hands in soapy water in a basin, and then Daddy had to lift her naked while I took the blanket off the changing table.

I had to enlist Daddy's help. He found it funny that I said, in the voice of Penelope, "This the most grossly incompetent performance I've ever seen at the changing table!"

She just fell asleep now. She's such a sweetie.

No Spider Bite

Derrick says that Penelope is fine. The suspicious place went away and she has no fever or other symptoms and is behaving normally.


I'm worried Penelope got bitten by a spider because I saw one near her on the jungle mat. I killed it immediately and picked her up. I had heard her squink, but I didn't realize right away that the spider might already have bitten her. I was lying less than a foot away from her on the floor, but I was trying to let her play independently because that's supposed to be good for cognitive development.

She was wet and hungry. As I changed her, I started realizing the spider might have already bitten her. I checked for bites and couldn't find anything. I fed her to sleep, but abruptly she woke up. After I changed her again, I didn't want to put her back in the jungle area, so I took her upstairs to practice sitting up big girl on the guest room bed, to dance with her animals in the crib, and then to read God Made Kittens on the floor on her comforter.

She was in a perfectly fine mood all through this time, until she suddenly started squinking. She wanted to hold the kitten book herself, but she sometimes whacks herself in the face or pokes her eyes with corners, so I had to grab it back from her. Finally, I had to take her downstairs because she was upset about something--not crying, but every once and a while going, "Aa!" and making a frowny face.

That time when I changed her, I noticed a pink, puffy place on her arm that could have been a spider bite. I hadn't seen it before. But now I'm wondering if she scratched her arm on that book when she grabbed it. I also noticed a place on her head, though, but it might be a scratch from her nails.

I have the spider because I smushed it with a book about the prodigal son, and it's still stuck to the book. Not being an expert, though, I can't tell what kind of spider it is or if it's bitten anyone recently. I'm not going to look up anything online until Derrick gets home because I'm sure I'll just freak myself out.

She has no symptoms except being slightly squinky--but she was hungry and tired, and now she's sleeping in her swing. She's breathing. I hate spiders. They're so brazen around here. I've never seen anything like it. Normally if a place is spidery, they hide from you and only come out when it's dark--but here they just traipse around all day long, bold as you please. They're so creepy!

Old Macdonald Strikes Again

I'm so exhausted today. Penelope's playing in her jungle right now. We just read Old Macdonald after rediscovering it yesterday morning. Last night, when I sang it to her, she kicked her legs the entire time--which was a while since there are lots of animals!

Right now, her favorite books are:

Old Macdonald
Mr. Brown Can Moo
Biscuit's Day at the Farm
Good Night, Gorilla
Hippos Go Berzerk
My Little Golden Book About God

There are a few others that she'll tolerate, but those are the ones she really likes. I'm surprised how attentively she listens to the God one because it has a lot of text for a board book. It's not condensed at all from the full version!

I had a rough night last night. Something I ate made me so sick--and I can't figure out what it was. I wasn't even exactly sick, just had lots of pain and felt horrid. Fortunately, everything is okay now.

Penelope hasn't peed on me yet today--well, except first thing this morning, but I contained that situation pretty quickly!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

My Day with Mommy


Pip is over on the changing pad laughing out loud at Daddy. I had to change the blanket covering it twice because remember how I said I was holding back her legs and she pee peed? Well, guess what, two hours later, it happened again!!!!

I'm uploading some of my pictures now from today. She's so cute!

My Lovee

I thought I did a good job holding back Penelope's legs while I changed her poopy diaper today--until that posture made her pee! She's over there in the swing right now, laughing up at her stars.

My Cutie

Toodle Britches just peed all over me again! I took off her diaper and said, "Look at all this pee pee!" As if on command, Penelope started peeing all over the place, huge grin on her face the entire time. She's been very talkative this morning, prattling on and on about something very pleasant to Cinderella. Then I asked her, "Penelope, when should we go to the zoo again?" She thought about it a minute, then replied, "Waabaa aaaa aaa boo," and concluded with spitty lips. Then she grinned at me, like, "That's the right answer, right? I know it!" She's so cute!

New to You Onesies

Mom's neighbors across the street gave us tons of old baby clothes back in February or something. She washed them all up in Dreft, sorted them by age, and brought them over here. Imagine my surprise today when I looked in the 6-12 month bag for the first time and found six beautiful 3-6 month onesies. Fortunately, they're on the long side, as is the Pippy Pop. She's almost into 6-9 months now, and actually she can wear either but the 3-6 have to be long!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Cereal Face

Mffiiikikiwwwwwwwwvvgfftfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffgc frfdfcfdfdffffffffffffcvvcgyu890-=]\

I accidentally wrote that title while cleaning what should have been brownie off my keyboard (long story). I'll leave it because it kind of looks like the noise Penelope is making at me right now.

We just got Penelope to eat some rice cereal for the first time. (Our previous tries have been completely unsuccessful.) She actually took several bites. I tried to get a picture of her very messy face after the first couple, but my camera batteries were dead and while I changed them, she took it upon herself to wipe off her face with her bib. So the picture I got was of her looking shocked when I asked what had happened to her face. I got a pretty good one a few minutes later, though.

I kept telling her enthusiastically what a good girl she was as I fed her. She was clearly pleased by this praise. After we finished, I made her a regular bottle, and Derrick gave it to her. Halfway through, she grabbed the nipple and squeezed it, so that milk splattered all over her face! Seconds later, she did it again.

"What are you doing, baby girl?" Daddy demanded.

In response, Penelope only grinned and squealed with joy.

"Oh, you think it's funny to get your face all messy?" asked Daddy.

I realized, "Well, Daddy, Mommy tells me what a good girl I am when I make a mess all over my face!"

She's talking to me and smiling at me now from Daddy's lap. She's such a good girl!

Talking to Mommy While She Pumps


Penelope is being so crazy. I don't know what's going on with her. A minute ago, I just put her in her swing. She wasn't wet. She wouldn't eat. She kept crying and squinking around. I can't figure out what is going on. For a minute, I was worried she was choking, but on what? I've been with her every second.

Biker Chick and Cinderella

Lovey Cupcake

Pip and her swing buddy

Right now I'm pumping the vegetables while Penelope and Cinderella sit in the swing. Mommy is so tired! I was just feeding Penelope and put us both to sleep! Unfortunately, she woke up just as I was about to put her in her swing, but she did already sleep from 9:40 to 10:30 almost, so she probably won't nap again until this afternoon. I'm so tired I may have died before then--we'll see!

Last night I started to get exhausted thinking about how much has to be done to baby proof the house! I also need to send those thank you notes. (Writing them matters less if you leave them stacked on the table.) Also, I need to e-mail about 23 people!)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Littlest Noisy

Penelope was asleep in the swing, and we thought she was down for the night, but she just suddenly started screaming--horrible, horrible screaming. But now Daddy picked her up and she is sleeping soundly again--a nightmare, obviously. Poor baby!

Earlier, just after Derrick got home, I was about to go up to shower when Penelope, sitting on his lap, started talking to and flirting with me. When I smiled back at her, she burst into peals of laughter. She kept laughing and laughing. Then when she saw me climbing the stairs, her face fell, and I felt so bad I came back to talk for a few more minutes. It's very flattering having a baby, makes you feel very wanted.

Sleeping with the Puppy

After waking up in ten minutes poopy, Penelope would not go back to sleep, but she was too full to eat and too sleepy to have much fun playing. Finally, we lay down to read some stories together. Then Penelope started to stare at the puppy. After a while, he fell forward into the carpet. She continued to stare. Finally, after a while, she just assumed he was asleep, so she went to sleep too. I picked her up over my shoulder and moved her to the swing. She didn't wake up a bit.

The Lovely Girl

From my phone...

The Stinky Sleeper

It amazes me how much Penelope can roll around and still stay asleep once she's down for the night. This morning, after I'd pumped and was back upstairs waiting for her to wake, she rolled her butt almost completely above her head like sixty five times. She also stuck her whole hand in her mouth and batted her eyes with the other hand. Finally, after like half an hour, there was this huge, explosive toot. Still sound asleep...

Now when she's "napping" on the other hand--I hit the space bar one time, and it's all over...

Monday, August 17, 2009

Spitty Lips Squeaky Pants

Penelope is starting to prefer being with me, it would seem, although it may just be that she doesn't like to go to sleep. Right now, she's over there flirting with Daddy, making her lips and what have you. He's like, "Yes, I love you very much, but right now it's time to go to sleep." She sounds like Gizmo over there, making all her most charming noises at him.

Earlier, while I pumped at 10:00, Daddy held her, and she and I talked for twenty minutes, with lots of laughing and squealing from Penelope. I took a picture. She looks a lot like the baby picture of herself that Nanny showed us. She also looks like me, of course. (Right now, her eyes are closed and she's mostly asleep, but she's still trying to make her spitty lips at Daddy.)

She's so sweet. Earlier Daddy brought her into the kitchen while I was making dinner. When I'd tell her, "Hi," she'd grin and then nuzzle her face into Daddy shyly, then grin up at me again. She peed all over herself again not long after that, so she's now wearing her fifth onesie of the day.

Forget it, Mommy

Mommy: Smile, Penelope!

Penelope: Do you think I'm going to smile at you while you sit there pumping and ignoring me just because you happen to tell me hello? Do you think your little "Hi, Penelope," games amuse me? Do you think all your ridiculous simpering will make me smile?

Penelope: Well...okay! You are pretty funny, I guess!

The Poopy Acrobat

"I hope she doesn't do that again," I said just now.

Derrick said, "The older they get, the more they do that!"

Great! Just a few minutes ago, we had the craziest diaper change ever! Normally, when she's poopy, I grab both ankles at once and roll her back so her feet don't get poopy. Unfortunately, today, she started doing backbends. Finally, I decided just to throw the poopy diaper away immediately because I couldn't keep her feet contained. She was kicking wildly and bending her back. So I decided to throw the poopy diaper away before continuing and just get a middle diaper dirty. As soon as I took the time to do this, both of Penelope's hands made a bee-line for her poopy diaper area and started patting around with glee.

Then, of course, I had to stop and wipe her hands because they're ALWAYS in her mouth, so it wouldn't do to have them covered with poop. Unfortunately, while I was trying to do that, she grabbed onto my arm and tried to lift herself off the table, leg kicking around in poop all the while. While I was trying to pry her loose without letting her fall, she started to pee all over both of us--imagine this...

She's doing frog kicks, splattering poop, clinging to my hand with poopy hands, lifting herself into the air, and peeing all over the place like a little sprinkler.

At the end of this delightful interlude, I had to put her in the swing while I fixed the changing table. Then just to be safe, I used baby soap on a wash cloth to make sure her hands were clean. Of course, she immediately started eating the soap before I could get it wiped off. She grinned up at me like, "OOooh, Mommy! What an exotic treat! Thanks for spicing up my afternoon snack," little bubbles of soap and spit playing about her lips!

Crazy baby!

Earlier she was sitting up on her own, no assistance--but just for little bursts. This lasted until I put Horton beside her to show her how tall she was, and she veered her body as far in the opposite direction as she could go--like Charlie Chaplin doing some comedy bit. Lately, she's always grabbing my arms and pulling herself off the ground. I thought she did that because she wanted to sit up, but (after lots of tearful experiments) I've realized that what she actually wants is for me to pick her up.

In other news, a friend of mine called this afternoon to say she'd just had a baby at 29 weeks. Up till our three-ring diaper change, I'd been reliving Penelope's early days in the NICU and really feeling for her because those first few days are so scary and intense.

Poor Little Nosie

Penelope is so sleepy today. I hope she will stay asleep for a while this time. I wish I could ge her fingernails short enough not to do so much damage. Sometimes I think that when I cut them, it makes them sharper! Her poor little nosie looks like the scene of a polar bear death brawl...because, you know, I've been to many of those...

Morning Again

Sometimes I think Penelope is most likely to wake up if she hears sounds suggesting that I might be available to play with her. This morning as he left, Derrick accidentally hit the panic button on the car. That didn't phase her, but then another time, I breathed kind of funny and she almost woke up. She's sleeping in her swing right now, and I'm pumping he vegetables. We've already had our bath this morning. Towards the end, she got kind of freaked out when she accidentally slipped down and got a tiny bit of water in her mouth, but then she calmed down. I have to remember in the future, though, that the bath tub is too sunny in the morning.

Sunday, August 16, 2009


Today I had a very positive feeling about the general direction of my life, but tonight, my answers to life's questions no longer seem valid. That happened yesterday, too. In fact, it happens every day. Too bad that night always returns. I've been depressed all weekend, but it's still been a pretty good weekend, though my arm is sore from Wii bowling.

Penelope was so cute earlier. When we got back from Grandma and Grandpa's house, she was in a mood to play. While I was pumping earlier, she was sitting on Daddy's lap in the chair, and she was just talking, and squealing, and laughing, and making lips at me.

Trying to impress her, I said, "How about this, Penelope?" Then I made spitty lips at her for an inhumanly long time. I'm still impressed with myself. I should have clinched a spot in the Guiness Book of World Records, I think.

I said to Daddy, "I hope that wasn't too daunting."

But after only a very brief pause, Penelope made the spittiest lips in the whole world right back at me. She didn't approach me in duration, but she definitely outdid me in exuberance. She's such a cutie! And she really loves Grayson. She's always happy to see him. He's the only one besides Daddy and me who doesn't get screamed at for a while before he gets a smile.

That Amusing Grayson

Pretty Girl in her Pretty Dress