Friday, April 29, 2011

Zexy Aunt Merry

Merry has the most awesome shirt. It features a "zexy" Zebra wearing pink high heels.


Terrible Twos

Nellie has had a ton of tantrums lately. I think she just didn't get a lot of sleep yesterday. When we were out walking in the field where the bluebonnets used to be, she kept yelling at Dad, making her stubborn, naughty noise. It's kind of an "AaanH!" like a high-pitched goose call. It cracked me up yesterday because every time she she made that awful noise at dad, crows answered her.

Today Merry arrived (after an eighteen wheeler carrying gravel and a carnival truck collided, shut down 35, and resulted in severed body parts all over the highway). We went to the duck pond, but Nellie was so desperate for attention that she had several meltdowns. The little ducklings were so close and swam up so quickly to get our bread. At one point, however, one of us started throwing little rocks instead of bread, and then there was wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011



Me: Nellie, what did you do today? Tell me and I'll write it.

Penelope: Poop. (instructively) Write poop.

Me: What did you watch today?

Penelope: The Easter Beagle. Snoopy's so mad.

Me: What else did you watch today?

Penelope: Easter Beagle.

Me: What did we watch with Grandma? Why did you throw all your books on the floor?

Penelope: I want to read them. (Sitting down under the table.) I want Daddy to change me.

Me: Why should Daddy change you?

Penelope: (Logically) Daddy pooped in my pants.

There you have it.

Duck Pond in Shadow

We've been staying over at Mom's because the A/C is broken at our place. The guy should come back with the part tomorrow. I'm glad they'll be moving in with us, but it's weird to think of selling this house. They've lived here since 1998--longest stay ever!

Anyway, the sun came in at 9:15 this morning, so Penelope and I got up in the actual morning for a change and after some breakfast went to the duck pond with Grandma. The light and shadows were very different before noon.

I was telling Derrick, "I think it's a delusion of mine that my Olympus takes better pictures. I think I'm attempting more difficult shots with the new camera because it's so heavy and substantial, I feel like I should be able to photograph anything with it." We accidentally got to the restaurant too early tonight, by like half an hour, so Derrick and I sat in the parking lot, and since I had the Olympus with me because I carried the camera bag as a purse, I whipped out the camera and tried to get difficult shots of faraway birds.

I think I'm getting better with the Fuji, figuring out how to use it better. I've discovered that the LCD on the back (so sharp and colorful and beautiful) is misleading. Pictures that look better on the LCD look worse on the computer and vice versa.

While I was at dinner with Christina and Derrick was back at the house, Grandma and Grandpa took Penelope to Target and bought her new shoes, pretty purple ones with butterflies. Her old shoes broke today. Well, the rubber siding on one came off and made her trip over a rock, as she explained to us very comically.

Shaving Cream

I just got back from having dinner with my friend Christina at Macaroni Grill. Penelope was incredibly glad to see me when I got here. She even asked Grandma for some orange scented lotion, and then she insisted on sharing some with me, so we could both smell nice. I hate hand lotion, but she was so excited to offer it to me that it made me love it. She's been wanting to hang out with me since I got home. We've been dancing in the kitchen and watching The Easter Beagle. Penelope always watches this with Mom, so she has a comment for every scene. Periodically, she bursts out laughing and notes, "This is a pretty funny show."

We were sitting on the love seat a minute ago and she pinched my breast (just the part showing at the neckline of my shirt) observing, "Big boobs."

"Don't pinch me!" I yelped.

"Little, slow pinch," she bargained.

"No," I said. "No pinching at all!"

Then she said, "Let's dance in the kitchen, Mommy," which worked out better for both of us.

We took another shower together today, even though she'd already taken a bath about half an hour before. She was very interested in the lavender shaving cream I found and used to shave my legs.

"I need some shaving cream," she said.

"No you don't!" I told her. "You don't have any hair on your legs."

She went on and on trying to convince me, saying things like, "Better have some. Just in case. Make sure. Never know. I want shaving cream," on an infinite loop until I gave her some.

I squirted it into her hand and expected her just to glom around in it, but she immediately rubbed it down one of her legs like she'd seen me do. Then she kept looking down at her leg and saying, "Better check. Better check."

She's so funny.

I got out of the shower and dried off and let her shower a few minutes longer. I was standing right next to her, but I said, "Tell me if anything happens."

Immediately (like one second later) she called, "Hey Mommy!"

"What is it, lovee?"

"Getting very wet!"

I told her, "Well, you're supposed to get wet. You're in the shower."

Then a few minutes, she said, "Something happened."

"What happened?" I asked her.

"Well," she answered very evasively. "Getting very lonely in here."

"You can get out and be with me," I said.

"NO!" she responded immediately, "I want to take shower!"

Finally, I had to call Grandpa for some help removing her.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

More Easter Pictures

Random Birds on Easter

The Orange Gazebo

I was so surprised just now to hear Penelope mention the orange gazebo. Such a weird thing for her to say! But there is an orange gazebo as part of the old Fisher Price zoo set Merry and I used to have as kids.

She also pointed out a giant, plastic tarantula who asked me, "Seen Harry Potter?" Then she said, "Don't scare me, Spider!" She and Mom are currently watching Chamber of Secrets, and Harry and Ron just got out of the forbidden forest. But we took a little break while Merry called, and she and I were in playing with the zoo.

A sample of our game:

Penelope: Sit in here, Mommy. Play zoo. I can't find the evil monkey.

Me: (with a big, stuffed monkey): I'm a monkey! Oo! oo!ooo!

Penelope: No, no, monkey! You're too big for the orange gazebo. Did you see the lion? I saw him at the zoo. Saw a baby snake, too.

Me: You did?

Penelope: Was evil, too. No like 'im. Come on, Mommy. Let's bounce the ball. (Crashing past my mom) 'Scuse me, Grandma!

Now she just ran up to give me the orange gazebo because she heard me mentioning it to mom. Apparently, there's been an accident. "Hey Grandma! Hurt my giraffe!"

Facebook Gems

Mom and I have been sorting through books all morning, trying to give away the ones that are old or otherwise undesirable. Penelope, meanwhile, keeps tearing through all the stacks complaining, "These are my books!" She picked up an old, dusty copy of The Man Without a Country that I remember buying at a thrift store for some reason and said, "I love this one! My favorite!"
2 hours ago

Is it sweet or creepy when you're watching Tangled and your two-year-old creeps up behind you humming and starts to brush your hair?
4 hours ago

Penelope's so funny. She's in the front room wandering around in the dark. I heard her say, "That's very strange," and then she said, "I see the moon." My mom asked, "Where is it?" and Nelope replied, "Must be somewhere." She cracks me up.
18 hours ago

Penelope: I want to read this book. (Opening it) Lots of words! No pictures in here! (commenting on an oddly shaped diagram) There's Mickey Mouse. (Flipping to the last page) The end. Done reading. I'm going to eat it.
Me: Stop eating my book! (yanking it away)
Penelope: (Yanking it back) It's my book! I'm going to eat my book!
Me: Why do you want to eat my book?
Penelope: Mmm! So good!
18 hours ago

Penelope (upside-down, smacking her own bottom singing): Paddle Mad'line home! (My mother's influence.)
19 hours ago

A fly just fell into my ice water and died. I was not happy about it. Penelope, however, found it totally hilarious!

Penelope: So funny! Silly fly! Fell over! Died!
20 hours ago

Penelope (using the flashlight and prism my mom gave her in the other room): I'm making a rainbow, Mommy.
Me: What colors do you see?
Penelope: Purple, red, and blue.
Me: Do you see green?
Penelope: Yeah.
Me: How about yellow?
Penelope: Uhhhhhhmmmm...I'm trying to look. Come see, Mommy.
21 hours ago

Penelope (running up to me with her chocolate bunny): Ate off my bunny's ears. "Hello, Easter Bunny!" "WHATTT?????" (lots of manic giggling)
Yesterday at 1:34pm

Penelope (coming up as I'm watching TV): Sad, Mommy?
Me: No, I'm not said, lovee.
Penelope: (wisely) Little bit sad?
Sunday at 10:03pm

Penelope: (bringing me one of the suckers from her Easter basket) I want to share!
Me: You want to share?
Penelope: Mmmm. Share.
Me: You mean you want me to open it, so you can eat it?

I think in the wake of my birthday she's come to believe that "share" means eat candy.
Sunday at 5:04pm

Me: Oh my gosh! A blue jay and a cardinal are fighting on Mom's fence! Where's my camera? Where's my camera? They're gone!!!
Penelope: Come back stupid blue bird! (She's so loyal)
Sunday at 4:24pm

My mom: Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail were good little bunnies, but Peter was...
Nellie (grinning) Naughty.
Saturday at 8:59 pm

My mom: There's an old hag watching Harry and Hermione in the graveyard.
My dad: It's an old streetwalker. (Feigning panic) She's a whore-crux!
Note: Dad hasn't read the books and is calling out everybody and everything as a horcrux. He accidentally got lucky a minute later (not with the whore-crux), though I'm not convinced he knows what a horcrux is.
Saturday at 8:29pm

Nellie: I love all my people--love Daddy, love Mommy, love Grandma, love Grandpa, love my Bubby so much. I love everybody!
Saturday at 8:00pm

Penelope: This is a fun time at the bookstore! Oh, I love this book!
Me: ACT Prep? You do?
Penelope: Oh yes! Very green! So pretty! I see a big duck!
Me: That's Big Bird.
Penelope: Big yellow duck.

Penelope: (waking up) There's no monsters. But there's ducks. They chase me. The geese bite my mommy.
Me: And I said, You mean goose!
Nellie: Too funny!

Penelope: (in the other room) The moon! I see it! I see the moon! (running into this room) I see the moon, Daddy! Come look! (Climbing into his lap with my old Musical Phone) Three minutes.

Me: What happens in three minutes?

Penelope: One, two, three, four, five. Play "Baa Baa Sheep."

By the way, I got that Musical Phone for Christmas when I was five, and it STILL works with the original batteries.
April 22 at 9:23pm

Penelope: (bringing me a Littlest Petshop lamb) Aww. Lamb. (She says it more like Yamb.) Blue eyes. So pretty. See? Green circle to stand on. Nice. Aww. White fur.
Me: Yes, we call that wool.
Yamb: Baaa! Baaa! Whatcha taking, Mommy? Pills?
April 22 at 9:07pm

Penelope: (throwing a blanket over her head a second time) Shiver timbers! Shiver timbers! (suddenly crying) I want to look out the hole! (The blanket used to be on her head differently, so she could look underneath) I can't see hole very well! Missing! Oh shiver timbers!
April 22 at 1:25 pm

Penelope: I need a blanket. I need a new shirt.
Me: Well, are you done washing your hands?
Penelope: No, I want to wash them again.
Me: Well, we can't change your shirt until you're done, or you'll get your new shirt wet, too.
Penelope: (throwing a blanket over her head) Oh shiver timbers! Where's my new shirt?
Me: You can't have a new shirt until you're done washing your hands.
Penelope: WELL I AM SO COLD!

April 22 at 1:13 pm

Penelope believes that Rapunzel's hair starts growing out of Flynn Rider's body at the end of Tangled. She always tells me, "Don't worry, Mommy. Hair's coming." And then she always says brightly, "Here comes the hair! See, Mommy?"
Grandma: What do polar bears eat?
Penelope: Uh...snacks.
April 21 at 9:59 pm

Grandma: Some like it hot.
Grandma: Some like it in the pot...
Penelope: NINE DAYS OLD!

(The way she says it is just so funny)
April 21 at 8:23 pm

Always exciting to be unexpectedly joined in the shower by someone who says things like, "Where did this water come from?" "I choked on my nose!" "I'm washing my little boobs!" "Spank! Spank! Spank!" "Where's my rag?" "I don't play with the razor!"
April 21 at 3:05 pm

Penelope (hitting a plastic pumpkin tray with two lego paddles): Boom! Boom! Boom!
Me: What are you doing?
Nell: Booming.
Me: I see.
Me: What are you booming with?
Nell: My two little helpers.
April 21 at 2:17 pm

Penelope (examining plastic pumpkin shaped tray): That's strange! A punkin! But not a hat! What is this strange thing? What for? Hold things in?
April 21 at 2:04 pm

Penelope: (examining Legos) That's Bubby's all right. Orange hat for the orange man. Look at all my toys, Lamb Creature.
April 21 at 1:56 pm

Penelope (finding my old Gizmo doll): Aww! A lamb! (Frowning) Well...Who is this creature? Terrible claws? No. Cute. Look him, Mommy! Pretty cute.
April 21 at 1:54 pm

Nellie: There's poop on the floor, too!
Me: That's not poop!
Nellie (indignantly): STINKS VERY BAD!
Me: That's just an old stain from food that spilled.
Nellie (miffed): I want some chocolate!
April 21 at 1:45 pm

Penelope: Ants in my house!
Grandma: Are there ants in your pants?
Me: No, there really are ants. See? (showing her) I keep vacuuming them, but they come back to these two lines.
Grandma: They're trying to eat your crackers!
Nellie (getting a box of cheese crackers off the table and bringing to the ants): Hey you go, ants!
April 21 at 12:38pm

Penelope: (cramming a green apple with lots of little bite marks into her toy sink, which she has removed from its place in her kitchen) Cook it in a pie! Make some soup, too! Grandma will love it!

Me: What's your secret recipe? What makes it taste so good?
Penelope: Everything!
Me: What goes in your pie?
Penelope: Soup!
Me: Soup!?
Penelope: And pie. Soup and pie! Grandma will love it!!!
April 21 at 12:32 pm

Penelope: I want to watch Tangled.
Me: Well, Grandma is on her way. Why don't we wait and watch it at her house?
Penelope: No! Tangled.
Me: Let's watch Mickey Mouse until she gets here.
Mickey: Hey, everybody! It's me, Mickey Mouse! Do you want to come inside my clubhouse?
Penelope: (yelling as loud as she can) NO! GO AWAY!
April 21 at 12:04pm

Penelope: Here! (hurls something at my chest and runs away)
Me (discovering it's a pig): Are you throwing a pig at me?
Penelope: (immediately as she runs past) Yeah! OINNNK!
April 20 at 7:49 pm

Penelope: (running in from the other room) Five minutes!
Me: What happens in five minutes?
Penelope: (running away) Better make some milk for the cow! Cow's sick. (Babbling in the distance) Mommy's breast. Poor cow. Needs a cover. Ow!
Me: What happened?
Penelope: I hurt my chest!
April 20 at 7:43 pm

Penelope: Make me more milk, cow. Got so big! Oh no! Cow’s dead! I need my doctor kit. I got it! Help my cow feel better. He’s dead. Poor cow. He has a pink piggy nose. Oh cute! I want milk, cow. Cow’s dead! (points) Mommy’s breast. Make something, Mommy. Cow’s sick. Look in her eye. I see eye very well. Check in. Check.

Me (as cow): Moo!

Penelope: Great idea cow! (pause) What’s the problem?

Penelope: (chattering) My bubby's coming in a week. I'll watch him! Play bunnies!
Me: What do you like to play with Bubby?
Penelope: A lot of games.
April 20 at 7:04pm

While I made a few secret purchases at the store, Penelope picked out a green Easter basket and insisted that Mom buy it. (Never mind that she's been saying since February that the Easter Bunny will bring her a purple basket.)

Penelope: The Easter Bunny will put my toys in here.
Me: I'm pretty sure the Easter Bunny is going to bring you candy.
Penelope: (confidently) No. Toys. In my green basket. Can't wait!
April 20 at 5:30 pm

Grandma: Oh, it's almost time to put our Easter eggs in ice water.
Penelope: (chipperly) Oh, that's nice! Oh no! Where's Dinah? She's dead!
April 20 at 5:17 pm

Penelope: One, two, three. One, two, three, four.
Me: What are you counting?
Penelope: (quickly) Onetwothreefourfive!
Me: One, two, three, four, five what?
Penelope: (in a weird, drawn out way) One....twooooo...threeeeeee...fouaaaaaah...five!
April 19 at 10:45 pm

Nellie: Stay with me, Mommy!
Me: What's the matter, Nellie?
Nellie: So many scary monsters!
Me: There are no monsters.
Nellie: My butterfly is so evil!
April 19 at 10:23 pm

Grandma: How old are you?
Penelope: Big!
Grandma: But how old?
Penelope: Two?
Grandma: How old will you be your next birthday?
Penelope: Bubby's three.
Grandma: Bubby's eight. Jack is three.
Penelope: The puppies are three, too!
April 19 at 10:15 pm

Penelope: Are there monsters in my bed? Oh! I'm so wet! Milky! (watching the TV) Oh a storm! (Crashing into the wall chart that Mom has to measure her height) That's it! Fifty! I'm older! My stars! That's it!
April 19 at 10:13 pm

My mom (playing with a toy camper): I think I want some bacon.
Penelope: Don't have any now. It's too dark now.
Mom: Well, if it's too dark for bacon, then I'd better go to bed.
April 19 at 9:51 pm


So, we've decided to consolidate households with my mom and dad. I really don't want them to leave town, and they don't want to leave Penelope, so they're going to move into our house, and we're going to look for some place bigger in about five years.

Meanwhile, my fingers are so weird! They are driving me crazy. In the middle of the night last night, I suddenly realized I couldn't feel my right hand or wiggle my fingers. Clearly, I had been sleeping on it. After several minutes, I managed to wiggle my pinkie. But then today, there are all these little weird bumps under my fingers. Derrick says they're popped capillaries from sleeping on my hand.

In other news, I'm writing a lot and wishing I wrote better things and was more successful at publishing them.

Penelope has found a big, blue monster on some old color book, and is very enthusiastically showing it to me.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Poopy Birdie

Penelope: My yellow birdie is making yellow poopy. What birdie? Wants to poop in the potty. (returns) My little birdie pooped a little piece of poopy in the potty. A little bit. Good job, birdie. Pewweee, my birdie stinks. Poop in the potty, birdie. (goes into the bathroom) Poooop! Good job birdie!

I find it telling that the birdie always stinks before he wants to use the potty because that's also true of Penelope. She's not quite there yet.

Penelope: Caw caw caw caw!


Penelope was mildly disappointed that the Easter Bunny wasn't actually going to show up and play with her today. But she was still happy to get all her candy! Now we're over at Mom and Dad's where we just had barbecued turkey, sweet potatoes, asparagus, and croissants. Just before we left to come over here, a lone ant got trapped in my bra and bit my left areola three times! It hurt quite a lot until Mom slipped me some cortisone. This is a lovely day in all other respects, though why I have muscle spasms in my neck, I just don't know.

Holy Thursday at La Margarita

Penelope: (as we pull into the parking lot) I want to go, too!
Me: No, you have to stay in the car.
Penelope: Oh!!
Me: Penelope, you know we're all going inside.

(At the table)

Penelope: Mmm! Chips! This sauce-uhs is hot! I need hot cheesy.

(when her dinner comes)

Penelope: Hot. Mommy open it. (I tear off a piece of her quesadilla) Mommy, blow on it! (eating her beans) I use my fork. I'm big.

Happy Easter!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Neck Spasms

I know I haven't been blogging much lately. I never seem to know what to say. Plus, I'm a bit concerned about why I'm having "muscle spasms" in my neck that have no origin or findable cause. Maybe I'll feel more like saying something in a few days. I've been making pretty rapid progress on the book I'm writing.