Monday, July 20, 2015

Penelope Says...Gideon's Birth Edition, Part 2

July 2nd

Penelope: This is my spy gear. (Looking down at Gray over her sunglasses) What up, brud?
Gray: Don't kill Daddy.
Penelope: (pointing her watch at Derrick) I didn't! I just burned him. I locked him in the cellar and restrained him. Then I pointed my watch at him and burned him. It left a little scar, but it was no big deal.
Penelope: (to Gray) So brother, why are you restrained here? Tell me that.
Gray: Because you restrained me.
Penelope: What are you plotting?
Gray: To take over the world.
Penelope: What else?
Gray: Eh. Not much.
Penelope: You are a traitor. You are a dirty traitor. You are a dirty, rotten traitor.

5:06 pm

July 3rd
Me (complaining to Derrick): But why is that happening?
Nellie (totally jaded): Because life happens. That's why. What? Why are you all laughing? That was a smart answer, right, Gray?
8:25 pm

Penelope (who has been using her art set from the Swan family nonstop for days): I look like such a professional when I work by my art set.

8:50 pm

Fireworks by Penelope

8:51 pm

Getting Fro-yo is a more exciting experience for some of us than others.

8:54 pm

So since last Sunday, I have lost fifteen pounds, and all I have done is sit on the couch, sleep, and eat everything in sight (and produce and dispense milk, of course). Hopefully Gideon has gained back most of the weight he lost in the hospital!
8:58 pm

Artwork by Penelope

11:29 pm

Gideon's opinion of the game Penelope is playing on Grandma's Kindle.

11:30 pm

Penelope Says...Gideon's Birth Edition, Part 1

June 23rd

Less than 24 hours now...

Just 20 hours to be exact.
The comforting thing is if I go into labor early, it will be less than a day early at this point, so that can't possibly matter that much!
11:31 am

This morning while Penelope was watching a show, the TV randomly turned itself to this vacuum cleaner infomercial. Now it just came on again!
Mom: Good grief! No matter where I turn it, it always seems to come on the vacuum cleaner channel! Look it's on there again!
(I laugh)
Mom: Look! It's that vacuum cleaner thing again! Why does it keep doing that?
Me: (laughing) We control the horizontal and the vertical.
Mom (adamantly): Well, I am not going to sit here and watch the vacuum cleaner channel.
Dad: It sucks. That's all I can say.
3:58 pm

I just took my last walk as a pregnant woman...well, at least unless I unexpectedly get pregnant again at some point. I'm actually wearing a hospital bracelet because I got pre-admitted at 2:00 and gave blood and filled out a bunch of paperwork. One of the documents I had to sign gives them permission to give me a hysterectomy if it becomes necessary to save my life. The nurse chuckled and said, "Look! That must have been quite a lawsuit," and pointed out how it says in bold, capital letters that a hysterectomy is not reversible.
4:59 pm

Penelope just made me this picture. I'm starting to wonder now if I really will be delivering by c-section. It certainly doesn't look like it in this picture.

10:36 pm

June 24th

Well, here we go to the hospital! I'll bet Gideon is confused.
5:24 am

Such a different experience. Gideon is so mellow! We fed him once at 9:05. He latched on immediately and nursed happily for 30 minutes. Since then, he's been asleep. A baby's mouth is so much nicer than a pump!
11:33 am

Penelope: Mommy, he's smiling! He's smiling!

1:55 pm

Penelope and Gideon

3:28 pm

A Few More

3:44 pm

June 25th

So as far as I'm concerned, mad scientists must have cloned Derrick and implanted the clone in my uterus somehow. But I will say in this photo, Gideon looks remarkably like some of the just born photos of me!

10:18 pm

June 26th

Daddy is finally getting something to eat, so I'm just hanging out with Mr. Milk Mustache. (Derrick always takes such good care of me. He sometimes forgets he also requires food, sleep, oxygen...)

2:49 pm

Thanks for the Christmas present, Christina! Nellie is delighted!

3:59 pm

View from my hospital bed

4:08 pm

Penelope: He looks like me!
Me: He has your same blood type, too. You're A positive and so is he. You get the positive from Daddy and the A from me.
Derrick: Because Daddy is always positive and Mommy always makes As.
Penelope: No, Mommy always makes pee! (wicked giggles)
Derrick: That works, too!
6:21 pm

Mr. Cutie and His Amazing Funny Faces...

10:11 pm

June 28th

Me: Why is Donald Trump on Mickey Mouse?
Penelope: What?! That is the president!
Me: Well, I know that, but why is Donald Trump pretending to be British?
Penelope: Mom, start another Mickey Mouse! It went off. This is that animal show about planet Earth.
(Later...or earlier?)
Penelope: Mom, how do you spell it?
Me: B-E-A-R-S C-A-N...
Penelope: No, Mom!
Me: I think I fell asleep again. What are you trying to write?
Penelope: You told me to write the time he stopped eating!!! Stop falling asleep!
I sure hope this is sleep deprivation/pain pills, and I didn't sustain brain damage during the c-section.
5:22 pm

Penelope: Mom, your cherry.
Me: What?
Penelope (exasperated) See if it has a beard!
(Suddenly I remember her showing me hers and asking me repeatedly to do this.)
Me: Oh yes, that's the best part of getting a milkshake, right? Seeing if the cherry has a whipped cream beard?
Penelope: My friend has put the whole cherry in his mouth before. Even the stem. He told me. He did that once at Disneyland.
Me: Why did he do that?
Penelope: Because he could.
5:28 pm

A Very Few Hospital Photos with my Camera (I get to look at about three, and then Gideon wakes up, so I'll be posting these for the next 67,000 years

10:25 pm

June 29th

Three Rayburn Boys...

4:32 pm

Grayson, Penelope, and Winston Churchill..

5:02 pm

Penelope (laughing): Look at his arms! Look at his legs! He looks like the walking dead!
Grandma (in a coo): He does not look like the walking dead! He looks like Winston Churchill!
8:02 pm

Penelope: (reading her brother Hop on Pop, trying to make sense of it) Hmm...well I have to think there must be something very wrong with Pat.
Me: He sits on everything, doesn't he? Why would he sit on that?
Penelope: My current theory is that he must be blind. I mean, it seems like common sense not to sit on a cactus.
8:07 pm

June 30th

Big Sister
5:03 pm

Making Rice Krispie Treats...

5:04 pm

July 1st

Gideon (aka Dracula) celebrated turning one week old today by getting his frenulum clipped to fix his tongue tie. They recommended breastfeeding immediately after the procedure to help stop the bleeding. This took a while because his mouth was still numb and gushing blood. He was confused by the numbness and rooting around hysterically with lips red as a tiny vampire. As soon as I'd asked Derrick to wipe off the tiny bloody lip prints on my arm, I regretted not getting a picture first because I could have posted that picture. At any rate, he should bite less during feeding now.

6:38 pm

Penelope: Is that your hand, Gray?
Grayson: Moving? Yeah.
Me: What did you think it was?
Penelope (giggling) Gideon's foot!

6:43 pm