Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Penelope Says

September 26

Ready to Monkey Around

2:46 pm

Me: They have shaded picnic tables there.
Derrick: We'll find one of those.
Penelope: I see the perfect spot. Ooh! Can I bounce on that dinosaur?
Me: Yes, I think you definitely should, but let's eat.
Penelope: Okay, but first can I just bounce on that dinosaur?
Me: Let's eat first.
As we're eating, I hear a scuffing noise and look to see that Penelope has run away and is riding the dinosaur.
Penelope: Yaahooohooo!

4:03 pm

Penelope: Can I eat the rest of my sandwich at home?
Me: I know what you're thinking about...that sugar cookie.
Penelope: Why I forgot we even had cookies...but now that you bring them up...

4:14 pm
Mr. Friendly

6:15 pm


6:51 pm

My Lovely Nelope

6:53 pm

Penelope (snickering wickedly as she surrounds a mushroom with bricks in Mario Maker): You need a mushroom to get this mushroom. Hilarious, am I right?
7:13 pm

Daddy & Gideon Look Grumpy

7:59 pm

I kind of love this one!

8:20 pm

September 27

We missed the very beginning...

10:02 pm

September 28th

A clean diaper! Just what I wanted! How did you ever know?

9:03 am


12:48 pm

Spider in Autumn

12:49 pm

Gideon "enjoys" nature

12:53 pm


12:53 pm

Delighted to Wake Up on Mommy's Lap

4:57 pm

Mom: Look Sarah! It's Pope Innocent!
(Gideon sneezes)
Penelope: Bless you!
Me: Bless you, Pope Innocent!

7:41 pm

September 29th

Gideon Endures the Park...

6:08 pm

Penelope: Let's play tag!
Me: Penelope, I can't play tag right now!
Penelope: Come on! (groans, makes a theatrical frowny face)
Gideon (seeing her frown, sympathetically): Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Me (laughing): Did you hear him? He's sympathizing with you. He's sorry that you're sad, big sister.
Penelope: (mood improved, cooing at Gideon) Aww! Who's my little man? (no nonsense, to me) Now come on, let's play tag, lady.
Me: You really think tag is a good choice? I'm standing barefoot in a creek holding a baby, a phone, and a camera. Hmm. Maybe I'm already not making great choices.
Penelope: Come on!
Me: Penelope! I cannot play tag right now.
Penelope: I meant tag in our minds. (Points into the distance) I'm over there. Now where are you? Come on, lady, let's get this thing figured out!

8:46 pm

September 30th

Isn't this strange aquatic creature adorable? After some time in the bath flower, Gideon returned to his true form...and was delighted to see Daddy.

2:08 pm

Penelope: They don't believe at school that I'm so crazy at home because there I'm so mature like a grown-up. Here I'm like a toddler!
3:20 pm

Like Father, Like Son

8:47 pm
Gideon's First Trip to HEB

8:58 pm

October 1st

Mommy is way too excited about this stream.

1:45 pm

In fairness to Gideon, I would probably look like this, too, if I suddenly woke up and found myself in the middle of the wilderness.

1:49 pm

Dragons of Pfluger Park

3:36 pm

Penelope's Haiku

My shoes are a sieve.
Water rushes through my shoes.
My shoes are purple.

6:57 pm

Every time the song "Wildest Dreams" comes on the radio, Penelope and I burst out laughing (remembering how she first thought the lyrics were, "Say you'll remember me, standing in an ice chest, staring at the sunset").

In the car this evening...

Penelope: Uh oh. Taylor Swift's standing in that ice chest again!
Me: I know! I always imagine that when I hear this song ever since you misheard the lyrics that day!
Penelope: Yeah, that's what I picture, too! She's just standing there in her ice chest, staring at the sunset, singing and singing at the sunset, and meanwhile the guy is just sitting there on the ground, staring up at her like, "Um babe, what are you doing?"
Me: No wonder she has red lips and rosy cheeks! She's probably cold from standing in that ice chest.
Penelope: Do you imagine a blue and white ice chest?
Me: I do! Like the one we have!
Penelope: Right? (pause) Wouldn't it be funny if that was the video--just Taylor Swift standing in an ice chest singing in front of the setting sun. That would be hilarious, right?
Me: I wish my face would stop going numb.
Penelope: Have you been standing in an ice chest?
9:10 pm

Penelope & the Butterfly

9:58 pm

October 2nd

Mommy's Little Guy

5:44 pm

Chatting with Daddy

5:45 pm

Me: (behind someone mysteriously driving twenty miles under the speed limit, theatrically, trying to entertain Penelope) Arrrrghh!!! Does this lady even know how to drive?
Penelope: How do you know it's a lady?
Me: Good point. It's probably a baby and a monkey working together to steer and work the pedals. That explains it.
Penelope: That definitely does not explain it. Why would a monkey be driving the car? It's obviously a bear.
Me: Yeah, two tiny bear cubs. That's a good theory. They're probably going so slow because they're looking for salmon. No, you know what? I'll bet it's a bunch of Muppets.
Penelope: Why a bunch of Muppets? Fozzie and Kermit can drive all by themselves. Haven't you seen on the show?
Me: Good point. If Fozzie Bear can handle the traffic on the LA freeways then what is wrong with this lady?
Penelope (wisely): It's probably Taylor Swift.
Me: Ohhh yes. That explains everything. You're right. Her feet are probably still in that ice chest.
Penelope (singing): Say you'll remember me, driving in an ice chest, never give my brakes a rest...
5:58 pm

Fresh From the Bath

6:45 pm

October 3rd

Adorable Foursome

11:49 pm

Rayburn Brothers Relax’

11:40 am

Gray & Giddy

11:41 am
Weeping Willow Tree

Why is the willow tree always weeping?
Because it's a lonely tree.
Take it from me.

--Penelope (whose neighborhood friends are not outside)

1:17 pm

Gray: I am now going to drink all my sodas with a spoon. It's so posh.
1:28 pm

Sister & Brother

9:22 pm

October 5th

Another case for me, the world's greatest detective. Why is there a plate of partially eaten spaghetti sitting on this table? An amateur might assume that the little girl eating here lost interest in her meal and began coloring, and then her mother forgot to clear her plate while doing the dishes. But my theory is that the person eating this spaghetti was abruptly abducted by a vampire midmeal and left this helpful clue behind so we would come rescue her.

12:53 am

I crept closer and closer. He stood his ground, then finally turned to stare directly into my eyes as if to say, "Oh please, please, do come closer, and you simply must bring that succulent infant along when you do." In the end, I was the one who flew away!

1:26 pm

Adorable Trio

6:48 pm

My little sweetie heart

10:10 pm

This is what finding out you're leaving the park looks like...and then you realize that before you can get home, you have to go back in your carseat.

10:12 pm

October 6th

Me: Oh did you wake up, sweetheart? Well, I'll get us out of the sun, so we can open your shade. Now we're going into the spooky woods.
Gideon: (not actually speaking) We are, huh?
Me: Oooh look! We're right next to the witch's hair!
Gideon: Great.
Me: I'll take your picture by the spooky branches that look like witch's hair.
Gideon: No photos, please.

3:53 pm

Penelope: (excitedly to Grandma) There are four masked mans.
Grandma: You mean there are four masked men.
Penelope: No, not all of them are men. There are four of them, and they're all different.
Grandma: But they're not masked mans. They're masked men.
Penelope: (becoming exasperated) One of them is DOVE CAMERON!
6:03 pm

Grandma's Home!

9:25 pm

October 7th

Gideon's idea of comfortable

4:22 pm

Oh no, wait. This is much more comfortable.

4:44 pm

Me: We need to start planning what to have at our Halloween party this year.
Penelope: It's not Halloween yet!
Me: But it will be soon. You're going to be Buffy, and the boys will be vampires, so maybe we should do vampire themed food.
Penelope: I say we blow them away with a door of mystery, and every time you go in it, you're in a different crazy room.
Me: Well that sounds a little tricky logistically. How would we do that?
Penelope: Duh, paint the walls green and use special effects!
Me: Okay, I was thinking bat cupcakes.
6:07 pm

I feel like the Tim Burton Charlie and the Chocolate Factory gets a lot of hate, but Penelope's watching it for the first time and has died laughing on multiple occasions.
6:16 pm

October 8th

So during my walk, I started hearing this weird, incessant mix of grunting, moaning, and cooing. Onomatopoeia cannot do justice to these sounds coming from the stroller. I peeked in to see that Gideon had spat out his paci, grabbed the kitty from his tummy, and was using her nose to try to fall asleep. This went on for at least five minutes. It was so adorable!

11:22 am

Chatting with Grandma

12:44 am

Me: We need to do your homework.
Penelope: Just a second, I'm working on my plans for Halloween. Let's see, we'll need all the rooms, and an escape hole...

3:39 pm

We were going to watch Clue after dinner, but Penelope decided to go outside and play, so I decided to watch the first episode of Grace and Frankie because I've been wanting to see it, and no one else seems too interested. Penelope came back inside just as Jane Fonda was freaking out and high, crawling all over the beach on her hands and knees. Nellie took it all in, then told me decidedly, "Okay, that's you," then went on about her business. Always good to know how your children see you!
8:14 pm

October 9th

When I'm sleepy, I always forget Gideon's a boy. This morning after his early morning feeding, he actually fell asleep again (which he never does)! When we woke up again, and he grinned at me, I accidentally told him, "We're lazy girls today!" because that's what I would say to Penelope. Then I had to correct myself.

9:55 am

Gideon's thoughts on "the pretty, pretty falling leaves."

1:22 pm

Guess "hoo" we saw at the park? (Hint: Gideon was not impressed.) (Okay, so that's not a very helpful hint. The pictures should help, though.)

1:55 pm

Grandma: Look in this mirror! Who is this?
Gideon: Please, Grandma, you're blocking my view of Team Umizoomi!

5:15 pm

Me: I'll bet it felt good to get out of those pants! Now you're not so stinky, and...
(Gideon pees up in the air and all over his own head,)
Penelope: Aaaa! Aaaa! He peed on his face!
Me: And after I just gave you that bath!
(He does it again.)
Penelope: Is he going to pee on me?
Me: Maybe. I'd be wary at this point.
Penelope: He peed all over himself!
Me: Well, it mostly got on his forehead and his onesie. Luckily you missed your eyes!
Penelope: He peed into his belly button.
Me: Yes, I see that.
Penelope: But I mean like, he filled up his belly button with pee. He literally peed into his belly button.
Me: Yes, I see that. I guess that's one advantage of being a boy. If you're a girl, you can't pee into your own belly button.
Dad: I don't know, I think a girl could.
Me: Pee into her own belly button? I'd like to see that!
Dad: Well, I don't know if I'd like to see it, but...
Me: I guess Grandpa's right. I shouldn't be so discriminatory. A girl probably could pee into her own belly button. It's hard to imagine how, but...
Dad: Well, I think with patience, and the right training, and practice...
Me: Hmm, well I guess I have a new goal now.
5:44 pm

Penelope's Riddle:
What do you get when you cross a heart with coal?
A black soul.
7:44 pm

Penelope: Here is another riddle. What has a heart but never dies?
Me: Hmm. I thought of an artichoke, but that was alive once.
Penelope: (like I'm crazy) An artichoke?!! What on earth is an artichoke?
Mom: Is it an art of joke?
Penelope: No, it's the most powerful thing in the universe.
Me: Love?
Penelope: (with a little smile) How'd you know?
7:53 pm

Penelope: When you look, you cry. You hate to see me die. What am I?
Mom: An onion.
Penelope: WHAT!!!! You love to see an onion die!
Mom: Well it was just a guess!

The answer is a flower.

Me: Why do you cry?
Penelope: Because, you always thought of me as your flower. When you see a flower die, it could be me. So you cry. You'd hate to see me die, wouldn't you?
8:01 pm

October 10th

Prepare for a sight so rare that human eyes have never looked upon it before...

11:53 am

Penelope: If I cut my hair short, would people think I'm a boy?
Me: Probably not. They'd assume you were a girl with short hair most likely.
Penelope: But what if it was a real boy looking haircut, and I wore boy clothes?
Me: Then you could probably pull it off...except your name is Penelope. That might mess up the whole thing.
Penelope: I'd use a boy name, of course.
Me: But what would your boy name be? I was going to name you Gideon. So that's problematic. That would be confusing.
Penelope: I'd be Jake. Would that work?
Me: Sure, why not?
Penelope: (in a very altered, deep voice) Hello, my name is Jake the Boy.
Me: Um...well that last part might tip them off.

2:47 pm

Penelope (at random): I'll bet to a caterpillar, a pat on the back would be very annoying.
5:12 pm