Thursday, October 27, 2016

Penelope & Gideon Say

Penelope & Gideon Say From May 2016 (trying to fill in the gaps)

May 1, 2016

Me: Oh look, Giddy! You found the ladybug! You are so lucky. Say, "Hello, Ladybug!" Oh no! Do not eat the ladybug! Do not...OH NO! NO, GIDDY! NO!!!
Giddy: (not disturbed)
Me: Well (seeing a ladybug in the grass) maybe you didn't eat it after all. Maybe it flew away home. You didn't eat the ladybug, did you? You just tried to eat it, but it got away. It's very clever. It's older than you. I'm sure you didn't eat it. We shouldn't eat the ladybug.
(Five minutes later)
Me: Smile, Giddy! What's that in your mouth? Oh no! Oh no, Giddy! You did eat the ladybug. Giddy, we do not eat the ladybug!

How do I make him understand he's not supposed to eat ladybugs? He eats everything else outside, but surely he should instinctively know that moving creatures are different from plants and dirt. Of course, he is a huge biter, so I guess he just likes eating other creatures??? I wish I could make him understand.
12:31 pm

Derrick and me talking to Giddy who is excitedly jumping on my lap at the fro-yo place: Can you BELIEVE that?
Giddy: DOH!!! (Enthusiastically, dramatically shakes his head no many times)
3:04 pm

Gideon is off schedule because of the weekend. I spent half an hour "singing him" (i.e. holding him and swaying in the kitchen while I sing his "April Showers" medley) to no avail. I had to take a break because I either bruised my heal or sprained my foot the other day. I was a bit irritated as I sat him down on my lap and turned on his favorite episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

I told him, "Fine, if you're a good boy and snuggle quietly on my lap, then you can watch your show before we go to sleep." He actually was surprisingly obedient, just lying there with his head on my thigh, staring quietly up at the TV.

Then his favorite song came on, the part where Chip and Dale, and Baby Redbird, and Buzz Buzz the Bee, and Fiona the Frog all dance around Minnie and sing, "Minnie-Rella! Minne-Rella!" It is really hard to stay irritated with someone who sits bolt upright and starts grinning, clapping, and "singing" along when that part comes on.
10:01 pm

Want to annoy your mother? Here's a foolproof method. While she's walking the floor with you, give every appearance of finally falling asleep. Then when she least expects it, with your breathing heavy and your eyes closed, fling your arm up wildly, grab her glasses by the lenses, and hurl them at top speed into the other room where they will land among junk and be really hard to find. Then after she's searched for them like Velma from Scooby Doo, at the exact instant she finally finds them and bends over to retrieve them, wake up in alarm and try to do a backflip out of her arms. I am positive she won't like this!
10:30 pm

May 2nd

Penelope: (talking to Mom who is grating cheese) I want the white cheese.
Grandma: That's butter.
Penelope: No, that white cheese you already grated.
Grandma: That's butter. Do you want a stick of butter?
Penelope: No. (Pause) But do we have any white cheese?
5:25 pm

May 3rd

Penelope: Mom, this was the best RE ever! Guess what? They said you can take something home with you...and they have string cheese! (Jumps excitedly)
As we walk to the car...
Penelope: Mom, you have to keep sending me those strawberry doughnuts because [the girl who eats her cupcakes] traded me for her string cheese because she doesn't like cheese.
Me: I could just buy you string cheese.
Penelope: Yes, but also send the doughnuts, so I can have even more string cheese. This party was the best. I didn't even play musical chairs because I was so busy eating. They had every kind of cheese sticks you can imagine! First I saw the yellow and white kind, and I was considering it. But then I saw the pure white! The pure white gold! All the food was so good! I had three helpings!
Me: Of string cheese?!!
Penelope: No they also had apples and carrots and blueberries and a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie! Oh, Mom, I was in heaven! This was my favorite thing that ever happened at church!
5:13 pm

Penelope: Mom, I have to tell you something.
Me: Yes?
Penelope: Do you remember that place where I got a thorn in my hand after I fell into a rose bush and then we got it out?
Me: Vaguely.
Penelope: Well even after we got it out, it's healing very rough there for some reason.
Me: I'm sorry.
Penelope: So my question is--Is there a rosebush growing inside my body?
Me: Ooh. That would be a great idea for a book. The rose could give you mystical powers.
Penelope: Yeah, I could talk to plants! Or I could fly. There are so many powers to want! Or I could play the guitar really awesome with the vines coming out of my hands. Then I would really tear it up at the talent show.
Me: And your songs would make plants grow.
Penelope: I think my songs would lure people to pick me, and then they would get a rose growing in their hands!
6:00 pm

Penelope's napkin note "to Mommy and Giddy”: I [a heart] U. Want to come to my room tomaro for a playdate? Agen, Love you so much Love, Nelli.
8:21 pm

May 4th

Giddy said, "Heart!" and touched one of the hearts in his nursery rhyme book. Usually he just wants to have a great fall. He starts to crane his neck backwards and roll his shoulders in anticipation. Every single character has a great fall in Giddy's Mother Goose. And Humpty Dumpty typically falls five or six times!
9:55 am

May 5th

Penelope: (holding up her new sneaker triumphantly) Yea! I won! I won my shoe! I am the king of this game! This will be great on free Friday! I'll just sit back and put my foot up on my leg, and I'll be rockin' my Game Kick.

It's amazing what makes some people happy!
6:40 pm

May 6th

A sparrow flew past us on our walk today, and Gideon reached out to it and cried, "A bird!"
12:18 pm

The other day...
Penelope: Mom, do you know, my teacher showed my poem I wrote to [her friend's mom, a room mother] and she said, "Penelope, this is wonderful! Even some grown-ups can't write a poem this good!"
Me: Ooh! Can I see the poem?
Penelope: Well, I'll bring it home this Friday.
Me: What is it about? Tell it to me.
Penelope: You'll see it when the time is right.


loving person

found the key

to my heart keeps

it locked up

loving person


3:46 pm

Penelope made me this sweet card and a cool calendar for Mother's Day! The card says so many nice things like, “You are a locket in my heart,” and “You are the funniest person in the world,” and, “Your the best mom ever. You have a supriss in my room.” She said, "You can't go up and get your surprise until I have a chance to make it, though. You can understand that!"
3:46 pm

May 7th

Penelope: (sweetly, talking about her stuffed animals) All my kids have to have their eyes wide open all the time (a little too sweetly) because when they close them, they see terrible, horrible things.
5:41 pm

Penelope: (pen in hand) What's a kid appropriate book? I'm a kid, and I don't even know.
Gray: No blood, no kissing on the lips, no interactions in the baby-making way...
11:09 pm

May 9th

Penelope: Man! Toadette! Toadette is like a movie star. She seems like such a sweetheart, but in real life, she's a cold hearted person. I do not like Toadette.
Me: Nobody likes Toadette.
Penelope: Bubby does. But Bubby doesn't know she's a stone cold jerk.
Me: That's Bubby Senior?
Penelope: I can't believe we made her such a nice theme song in Mario Kart. We need to write her a new theme song for Mario Party.
Me: Oh hey! (singing) Toadette's a stone-cold jerk. Toadette's a piece of work!
Penelope: (singing) Toadette will make you hurt! Toadette needs therapy!
8:46 pm

May 11th

Giddy and Mom are using the diving rings like steering wheels. Mom says, "Drive drive!" and Giddy says, "DIVE DIVE!" In the pool today, he held his little frog the whole time and made growling "Croak!" noises. Then he started blowing on my shoulder, making weird fart noises. After a while, I was like, "Why are you doing that?" and he lifted up his face and laughed maniacally. Then he fell fast asleep in the pool.
7:50 pm

May 12th

At HEB just now, Giddy and I walked through the freezer section for the first time because I was looking for more of the Smuckers Uncrustables my mom found for Nellie. Suddenly, Giddy started bouncing wildly shouting, "Oh! Oh! Oh!" He started pointing excitedly at all the different kinds of ice cream yelling, "Dat! Dat! Dat!"

"We already have ice cream," I told him.

He shook his head wildly and shouted, "Doh! Doh! Doh!"

I told him, "We have ice cream at home," and he started to bounce and smile in excitement. I have a feeling he thinks he's getting ice cream for lunch!
12:06 pm

Me (scratching my leg): While I was down there pulling my phone out of the couch, I think something bit me.
Gideon: Ow!
3:19 pm

May 13th

At the pool today, Gideon said "turtle" several times while we were playing with his turtle. Then when we left, he reached toward a car in the parking lot and said "car."
9:13 pm

May 15th

Mom (from another part of the room, at random): I want to see how much she's paying for sea horses today.

Ah, Animal Crossing!
10:22 am

Penelope (appearing from nowhere): Hey Mom! Here is a once in a lifetime opportunity. (Pause) You could play the purple monster in my puppet show.
5:50 pm

So Penelope has made all these puppets using brown paper bags and popsicle sticks. They all have names, characters, accents. And she's made a puppet theatre from a cardboard box. I will apparently be playing Diamond, the purple monster, who is very fancy.
6:00 pm

May 16th

Penelope: (playing Marco Polo with her pool frogs) MARCO? POLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????
Me: Not so loud, please.
Penelope: But Mom, the little frogs are just so terrified and upset they can't find Polo. You have to let them express their feelings!
6:35 pm

May 17th

Took us forever to get to the park this morning! Gideon was very committed to "driving" the felt tomato slice from Nellie’s toy sandwich kit, and he didn’t want to stop to get ready.
9:52 am

Me (pushing the stroller in the park): You probably don't want to sit in these flowers because we're almost back to the car.
Gideon (bouncing in excitement): Sit! Sit!
Me: Really?! You do want to sit in the flowers?
Gideon: (reaching up for me): Sit! Sit!
(I pick him up. He is delighted. I set him in the flowers. He cries.)
Me: What is wrong, Giddy? You said you wanted to sit!
Giddy: Sit! Sit!
(As I carry him back to the stroller, he reaches down for the small branch he found in the dirt, the one I could only pry out of his hands by promising to put it under the stroller to take home to show Daddy.)
Giddy: (woefully) Sit!
Me: Ohhhh. You want your stick!
Giddy: Sit!
2:42 pm

Penelope's Poem

In the bathtub my legs are boiled eggs,
and these eggs are way overdone!
But I never leave
'cause I'll never leave the fun!
6:52 pm

Penelope found a bag of crafting popsicle sticks in the garage. First she made puppets. Then last night she started gluing them together. Her sign tonight almost killed me. “Crosses for 10 cents each. Support God.”

"Support God??!!"

She asked innocently, "What? I didn't know how to spell praise."

7:44 pm

Penelope (Watching a news story after Jeopardy about a Llano High School drama teacher who had sex with a seventeen-year-old student): If a teacher ever tried to have sex with me, I would say, "No."
Grandma: That's good.
Me: And you would tell me about it.
Penelope: I would say, "No thank you, but I'm flattered."
8:02 pm

Penelope (complaining): I need a girlfriend!!! My ex-boyfriend already has a girlfriend!
Me: You need a girlfriend?!
Penelope: I mean a boyfriend!
Me: You can have a girlfriend if you want. Of course, you'll probably be the scandal of the first grade.
Penelope: I was already the scandal of the kindergarten!
8:56 pm

May 18th

Penelope: All these songs make me think Meghan Trainor doesn't need a man.
7:26 pm

May 20th

Penelope gets an award for perseverance in school this morning. Derrick got confused and thought the awards ceremony was yesterday morning, so he dressed her in a lovely ensemble, and she looked great at her brother's concert. Gideon was also looking cool, but he didn't get the pleasure of attending the concert.
7:38 am

On our walk yesterday, Gideon was not so sure about the "amber waves of grain," and he was very suspicious of the cars driving down 1660, but he did agree to smile by the rose bush in exchange for more yummies.
12:32 pm

May 21st

Penelope has inherited my love of Clue (the movie, though we also enjoy the game). She's always liked it, but at her insistence, we're watching it for the third time since 8:00 pm yesterday. Hard to complain since I can literally close my eyes and recite the entire movie. (When I was in elementary school, I asked to rent Clue so many times that my Grandpa finally just bought it for me.)

I actually bring this up because Penelope is the only person I've ever known whose favorite character is Mrs. Peacock. When we give our own performance of Clue (which is apparently happening), Penelope will be playing Mrs. Peacock.
8:35 pm

May 23rd

Penelope (in the pool): STEAM Day was so cool. We didn't learn anything all day! It was awesome. We just listened to people tell us about interesting things...which I guess is learning, but you know what I mean.
Me: Yeah.
Penelope: It made me think about what career I might like and what things I could do. I liked the police dog and the lady who played the guitar the best.
Me: You could play the guitar yourself one day if we get you lessons. Of course, it's less likely that you could be a police dog...unless things really change.
Penelope: Well, remember, I used to be a cat in another life so keep an open mind.
7:20 pm

Penelope: I know what twelve plus six is...eighteen!
Me: That's great! So how many are in a dozen?
Penelope: Twelve.
Me: How about a half dozen?
Penelope: Six.
Me: How about a dozen and a half?
Penelope (grins): Eighteen!
Me: Two dozen?
Penelope: Twenty-four.
Me: Three dozen?
Penelope: (pauses, eyes light up, unbelievably excited) A YARD!!!!!!!!
7:23 pm

Penelope: (in the bathtub) We last left Fire Duck in a coma in the hospital in "Part 4: The Death of Fire Duck?" Now for part 5. The submarine man was knocking out Fire Duck's sister with poison gas. But it's not what you think. He was forcing gasoline down her throat until she passed out. He did everything his way. Fire Duck's body was in his hospital bed, but his soul went up to heaven. A voice said, "Fire Duck. It's not your time. People need you down there. You can win this fight, Fire Duck. Don't win it with the power of evil. Win it with the power of love."
Me: Oh I like that. That's nice.
Penelope: Yeah, that's a quote from Jesus, can use it. Anyway, Fire Duck came back to Earth and saw the submarine man. He taunted him. Fire Duck said, "I LOVE YOU!!!!" (as the duck charges insanely at the submarine and crashes into it)
Me: Hmm.
Penelope: Yeah, that's the form his love took. Fire from God.
Me: Hmm
Penelope: (giggling hysterically, shrugs) What? You heard the quote!
7:31 pm

May 24th

It's so hard to know what to pack in Penelope's lunch! At home, she only eats blueberries, string cheese, bananas, yogurt, broccoli, fresh flour tortillas, cans of tuna, and candy! She won't eat any of these things in her lunch because they all "taste too weird by lunchtime."

Secretly I only pack anything so other parents won't think I'm neglectful. I don't expect her to eat it at this point. But the cherry flavored fruit cocktail and blueberry applesauce have been consistently disappearing. So as I started packing her lunch today, I began with those. Then I unzipped the bottom compartment to add a dessert for her friend and what did I find? Fruit cocktail and blueberry applesauce, of course!

This is starting to feel less like lunch and more like performance art commenting on the absurdity of the universe!
4:41 pm

Penelope: (in the bathtub) On this episode of Fire Duck, the submarine man crashes into all the water towers in town and destroys them with his submarine.
Me: Oh no! What will the townspeople do now?
Penelope: (with a grin) Stay tuned. (As Fire Duck) Who knocked over these water towers? I'll do a Google search. (Leans over and types with his beak, saying, "Quack!" as he hits each key. As herself, she explains) That's how he types.
Me: Hunt and peck, huh? Heads down tails up.
Penelope: And the number one search result is Zach the Subrmarine Man. So Fire Duck calls him and says, "Quack! I know you did it! I Googled it!" The Submarine Man says, "Ah! Then you solved my riddle!"
7:08 pm

Somebody Turned 11 Months Old Today! He celebrated by falling out of his stroller and taking a nap in the pool.
10:01 pm

May 26th

Giddy was so sweet in the car on the way home from the park. As I put him in his seat, he found his stuffed kitty, Marie. All the way home, he had a conversation with her. His lines always started with "Ohhh." She would jump when she replied. (He meows like he's saying the Mau in Maui.)

It went like this, pretty much endlessly until we got home:

Gideon: Ohhhh. M'ow?
Marie: (jumping) M'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow!
Gideon: Ohhh? M'ow m'ow?
Marie: (jumping) M'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow!
Gideon: Ohhhh! (pause) M'ow m'ow?
Marie: (jumping) M'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow m'ow!
Gideon: Ohhhhhhh.
1:21 pm

Gideon's new favorite things are climbing trees and playing with sticks. If you take away the stick or take him out of the tree before he is ready, he cries hysterically...until the instant you give back the stick or put him back in the tree
2:16 pm

As I prepare to apply Giddy's sunscreen...
Penelope: Mom, you look like a clown!
Me: Gideon says, "I hate sunscreen!"
Gideon: DO! DO!
4:23 pm

May 27th

Me: (in the car) Hey! I wanted to hear that song!
Penelope (controlling the music, putting on "The Hot Dog Dance," mischievously): Now you get to hear Mickey Mouse!
Me: Hmm. I get to hear quite a lot of Mickey Mouse already.
Derrick: It's funny how Nellie and Giddy both loved Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. (To Gray) You watched Sponge Bob.
Gray: I love Sponge Bob. I still watch that sometimes.
Me: Yeah, but you watched Backyardigans at your mom's house. I think that's more comparable to Mickey Mouse.
Gray: Ohhh. I used to love Backyardigans. It stopped coming on Netflix now. That makes me sad.
Me: That's how you know you're growing up, when your shows stop being on the air. Oh! I saw Muppet Babies was on Netflix, and I was so excited. I was like, I can't believe it! I thought they could never show this! And there were all these episodes. But then I turned it on, and it turned out to be this low budget porn made by people in felt animal costumes. And I was so disappointed...
Derrick and Grayson: Whaaaaaaaaaat?!?
Me: (realizing) Oh I forgot to mention this is a dream!
6:28 pm

May 28th

Gideon decided he was done shopping today about halfway through my grocery list. Since holding him while pushing the cart was getting tricky and letting him sob while everybody commiserated with him and glared at me was not an option, I decided to find a toy for him to hold. All I could find at first was a rather pricey turtle he could use in the bathtub or pool.

He was pleased, but later I found a much cheaper boat. I tried to be clever and offer him the boat instead. He loved it and immediately started chewing on it. Discreetly, I put the turtle back on the shelf.

Right away, Gideon went berserk. He became completely unglued, sobbing hysterically, tears running down his face, bottom lip quivering, chin vibrating, drool everywhere.

"Turta! Turta! Turta!" he wailed wretchedly as with longing arms he reached toward the shelf.

"Fine! Okay! We can get the turtle," I said, handing it to him.

Immediately, his face became totally expressionless as he grabbed the turtle and tossed it backwards over his shoulder into the cart.

I think I just got played.

2:59 pm

May 31st

Sarah's rule of storm photography: When the thunder actually causes physical pain in your ear, you should probably turn off the camera and come inside before the next lightning strike!
4:44 pm

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Penelope & Gideon Say

October 16th

Giddy (reaching for my twenty sided die): Dee. Dee.
Me (thinking he is trying to day "die" as he grabs it): What did you get?
Giddy (delighted) Dee. Dee. (Grabbing my character sheets) Dee un dee!
Me: Oh I see! Did you grab my D&D?
3:01 pm

DM: And that's a hit. Rose Shine, how do you want to make your killing blow?
The Paladin: I want to take my sword and ram it up his crotch.
DM: I see. Rose Shine appears to have some resentful feelings towards men.
The Paladin (with a giggle): Nah, it's just more painful to die that way.
DM: Oohhkay. So this guy is dead, and I think he wants to be dead...
3:18 pm

DM: So how do you want get the information from the guys you left alive?
The Paladin: We want to say, "We won't hurt you. We just want to talk to you."
DM: He seems very suspicious of you. He doesn't believe that.
3:22 pm

October 18th

Penelope (after RE): So the Trinity...I don't quite understand it.
Me: You're not the only one.
Penelope: It's obvious to me that the Son is God...because that's Jesus. I guess I can see how the Father is also God. But what about this Holy Spirit? I thought it was supposed to be a dove.
Me: Well, yes, the Holy Spirit did come down in the form of a dove.
Penelope: It just seems like a weird grouping to me. Like, "We're the Father and the Son, and we're God." Okay. "And also this bird is God."
Me: Well...
Penelope: Of course, I'm the holy chicken myself.
Me: You are not the holy chicken.
Penelope: How do you know?
Me: Because you're Bernie Sanders!
Penelope: YOU'RE Bernie Sanders!
6:46 pm

Giddy tries and tries to say "pumpkin," but so far the best he can do is "cuckcuck." This would be less inconvenient if he didn't want to talk about them so much. He also calls them "boo"s because he has a board book called "Boo" featuring a giant jack-o-lantern on the cover.
10:00 pm

October 19th

Penelope (watching the old Mickey Mouse cartoon "Lonesome Ghosts"): Ghosts really can come up out of the floor, so this part is accurate.
Me: Accurate according to what?
Penelope: According to me. I know about ghosts.
Me: I see. How did you get to be such an expert?
Penelope: I studied four long years.
Me: (laughing) Where did you study?
Penelope: On this very couch.
Me: Yes, that's where I do most of my studying, too.
3:33 pm

Penelope: I've been thinking a lot about history. In the way, way far back past, did people think their kings were gods?
(We all talk about this for a long time and finally are discussing Charles I.)
Me: Probably the Protestant Reformation had a lot to do with it because suddenly, if you don't have one authority...
Penelope (anticipates): Then you have no authority.
Derrick: When you think about it, the beheading of Charles I probably completely changed the course of history.
Penelope: I have been thinking a lot about history. I've been thinking about that one Tree House of Horror with Kang and Kodos, the one where they kidnap Homer and pretend to be Bill Clinton and Bob Dole in that election. Isn't it funny that now Hillary Clinton is running for our president, so it's like we're living through that time way back in history again.
Me: That is my favorite Tree House of Horror segment ever. It's so well written. I've been thinking of it constantly.
Penelope: Hey Dad, my friend told me a joke. Spell I cup.
(We groan.)
6:55 pm

At Taco Bell...

Me: (using my finest call back humor) Okay Penelope. Time for I cup.
Penelope (as she uses the restroom and I wait): Hey Mom, you know that trick magicians do where they saw you in half?
Me: Uh huh.
Penelope: You know how they put you in that little box, and they run the saw through, and then your top half is in one part, and your feet are in the other part?
Me: Uh huh..
Penelope: Well...that's how big this stall is. (Flushes) So you have fun in here!
7:01 pm

October 22nd

DM: So how do you want to do this?
The Paladin: I want to stab him through the forehead, so he looks like a unicorn when he dies. He needs to have shame when he dies. Shame. (yells) In your face!
The Wizard: Literally.
6:05 pm

October 24th

Penelope: (singing) Johhhn Wayne! (yelling) Oh! I hatched a Spearow!
Me: (driving) Really? Was it Spiro Agnew?
Penelope: I don't think so. It doesn't look like him. Who is Spiro Agnew?
Me: He used to be the vice president once.
Penelope: Hmm. I don't remember that one.
Me: Well you wouldn't. It was before you born. It was before I was born, too, come to think of it. I'm not sure why I even brought this up. It was like before everybody in the world was born.
Penelope: Even John Wayne.
Me: No, John Wayne was born, but he was the only one.
Penelope: Well this Spearow is red and brown...Mom! Like nobody else in my class is planning to go to UT. I'm practically the only one.
Me: Well where are they planning to go?
Penelope: I don't know. Some weird place no one has heard of. Like...The University of ATM.
Me: The University of ATM, huh? That sounds like an unusually honest name for an institution of higher learning.
8:06 pm

Penelope: It's a good thing I don't sit by her any more. If we had stayed together, I would have like turned into a Goth and joined a rock band and trashed the high school. That was the path she had me on when we sat together. But thank goodness I'm not going down that dark path anymore now that we moved desks.
8:11 pm

Pumpkin Patch